Saturday, November 21, 2009
I realized what a douche (sorry, best way to describe him) my ex was, moved on, and met my amazing husband.
We met in May of 2004, and got married 7 months (to the day!) later. He is active duty military, and so he moved me across the country within the first 6 months of marrying him, to a little tiny town in rural Missouri. He had a daughter from a relationship (she's 10 now), and wanted to get close to her.
Flash forward 3 years. We started trying on Mothers day of 2007 (he had given me a card saying he wanted to start trying for our own family). We tried all summer, and then found out in October that he would be deploying the next spring. More then likely, he would miss most of my pregnancy, and possibly the birth, so we decided to go back on BC, so I was just waiting for my cycle. We were just moving into our new house (closed on Tuesday, started miscarrying on Friday), and I was cramping so bad (which was unusual). My husband had taken the week off to help me unpack, but I was worthless that day. Not thinking I was pregnant, I said to him "Man, I haven't cramped like this since I was miscarrying Troy's baby..." I took pills, laid down, heating pad, hot tub, nothing helped. That afternoon, when I went to the bathroom, I looked in the toilet and knew. (sorry if that's TMI). We called the base hospital (really its just a clinic) and they told me to go to the ER. We collected our baby and took it along. The ER doctor said I was between 6 and 7 weeks. My HCG level was normal, so they said that the baby had been gone for a while, because my body didn't 'think' it was pregnant anymore. So, onto BC again until he leaves, and to try to heal from that. Travis leaves for deployment in May 2008 and comes home September 2008. During that summer, I got a referral to a high risk ob at the closest city (about 1 1/2 hours from base, but only about 30 min from our home). He did a ton of tests, and said i was 'ready to go' when Trav came home. He prescribed Clomid 50 mg. We knew his 'estimated' date of return, and it was going to work out 'just perfect' for me to do Clomid that cycle, but I know how the military was, and didn't want to do the round and then him get stuck somewhere. So we decided to wait for the next cycle. He came home, we had fun...
Flash forward again. I call my doctor and ask her what I can do, because we really want to get started on this 'baby making' thing. I had always had funky cycles, so the fact that it had been about 7 weeks since my last one was NOT unusual at all. She asked me to do a HPT, which I laughed at because NON of my other pregnancy's (the first two anyways) ever registered on a HPT, only blood- weird, I know. She said to still do one, and come in the next day for blood. So i bought the CHEAPEST one at the store, did it at like 8:30 that night, and within SECONDS, the lines appeared. I almost fell down trying to run down the stairs to tell Trav (and pull up my pants at the same time). He didn't even know I was testing.
At my first ultrasound they figured out that I conceived the weekend he came home... what a wonderful 'welcome home present'! We saw the heartbeat and got some great pictures of our little blob. I was considered somewhat high risk, (with three miscarriages) but they didn't see me for another few weeks. During that exam, Dr said everything looked good, they tried to find the heartbeat with a doppler, couldn't but didn't worry about it, he said I'm just at the point where you can start hearing it with the doppler, so sent me over to get an ultrasound after blood work. The US tech kept looking around, measuring the uterus, ovaries, etc... we were so anxious, we just wanted to see our little one. We had seen online what an ultrasound at the week I was at should look like... when she finally 'looked', nothing looked like it was supposed to. I asked where the baby was, (thinking she did a different angle or something), and she put her hand on my arm and said, "This isn't going to be a good visit honey." Needless to say, the words "Are you fucking kidding me" was about the only thing out of my mouth.
Trav didn't cry... in the office. He just held me. I told him that if I were him, I would trade me in for a newer, younger, model. He said "Good thing for you, I'm not like you!". We went back to discuss with the doctor our next steps. He gave me the option to try to pass it naturally, but said it could take up to six weeks, and I might still need a D & C because of the size of the baby, I might not pass it all. We elected to have the D & C right away. Partly so I wouldn't sit six weeks and twiddle my thumbs waiting for it to happen (because I knew I would), and so that they could collect the tissue and see if they could do testing on it to figure out what was wrong. My doctor took our Sea Monkey, on November 21st. It was a Friday, and also the day my nephew was born... what a day of mixed emotions!
At that point they did genetic counseling on my husband and I, Chromosomal karyotype's for us both, and a boat-load of other things ( I think we each gave like 16 vials of blood that day). We got the tests back right before Christmas. They were unable to get any of the baby's cells to grow, so no news there. Also, everything for Travis and I had checked out... back to square one.
My OB wanted to do an HSG to see if that could shed any light on the issues we were having. My right tube seemed blocked. He referred me to a local RE who did a laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, tubal lavage, and D & C. What a crappy surgery. I had it done while Travis was away at training, so between friends and my In-Laws, I was well taken care of. He also cleaned up some mild endometriosis. My insurance wouldn't let me do anything for 6 weeks, so we waited.
Its then and only then that I was FINALLY diagnosed with PCOS. He explained that I'm not a 'typical' PCOS patient, at the time I was 135lbs, and have never had the facial hair or acne that are common. He put me on Metformin, while my body healed. The first round with him was blown because I took the wrong pill on the wrong day. I was so upset, I just cried. I was so angry at myself, and frustrated. It seemed like all we did was wait, wait, wait, and then I screw it all up. I waited the 32 days per 'doctors orders', and then started Provera to get my cycle to start. My first 'real' cycle was Femera (Letrozal), at this time we were in the process of moving, so I did my baseline while we lived close, then all my follow ups (to check for the dominate follicle) long distance. I drove 2 1/2 hours each way to hear him say, "Nope, still no DF, come back in 3 days" I did that four times, and he said my body wasn't reacting due to 'stress'... finally we were so late in my cycle, he said, " well, it ugh, didn't work, come back next month." Really?!?
Since we moved so far away from his office, our insurance wanted me to go to a 'local doctor'. I called and begged them to stay with my old one. They said I had to do one cycle with a local doctor, then I could put a request in to go back to my original doctor. Fine. So I went to the new doctor... My old doctor was 'angry' that I left him and made it HORRIBLE for me to transfer my records. Finally, after 4 calls, I was able to get most of my records for the new office.
Wow, what a blessing in disguise! I was so unsure about transferring to him, and now I would not look back. He told me that I could go off Metformin, because I wasn't insulin resistant, it wasn't helping me. He wanted to do a saline infusion sonohysterography. This had to be done on cycle day 6-9. I said, ok fine, so we'll start the drugs next cycle since we've passed the 'magical day 3'? He looked at me like I was crazy. He said no, we will just start you on the Clomid 100mg, the day of the test. What? WHAT!?! But I'm passed my 'day 3', that my old doctor insisted on. He said because I had PCOS, he got to tell my body what day I was on, because it 'didn't have a calender'. WHOAH!!
This is one of the MANY differences between my two doctors. I do truly love my new doctor, which I think is half the battle. We found out that he once again (for the 4th year in a row), was voted by his peers as the best RE in our area. That also helps my 'worry wart' side of me! With him, my first cycle worked beautiful, we triggered, but came out with a negative. The second cycle was as opposite as can be. We did 'stair step' clomid, because there was no result after each scan. My old doctor just said, "OK, lets check in a few more days", over and over. My current one has the attitude of, OK, that didn't work, let's bump it up a notch. Ok, still not enough, bump it up again. My cycle was 'longer' then normal, but we finally got there, triggered, and boom. BFP... for four days.
He ran the Thrombophillia panel that deals with blood clots. While we were waiting for the results, Dr. S gave me a list of possible reasons of Recurrent Pregnancy Loss. We have literally done everything on that list. I had a hard time that weekend, when I realized that if these most recent tests are negative... then it's quite possible that it's genetic. Which means that it's my fault. It's my genetic material that is messed up. I'm the reason this keeps happening... I'm the only constant in the equation. Troy was the father of my first two, Travis was the father of the last three, and he has a beautiful daughter.... so it's me. That was sucky! Trav did everything he could to reassure me that he didn't look at it that way, but as weird as it sounds, we hoped that something comes back on that panel. Who would have thought I would be wishing for a clotting disorder. I don't know why, but for some reason in my warped mind that is better then the fact that my genetic material is screwy!
The results came back. I didn't have one clotting disorder... I had TWO! Are you freeking kidding me! But I guess now it's nice to know! I am positive for two copies of the MTHFR gene, as well as Protein C Antigen deficiency. They changed my drugs for this cycle, put me on Foltx (to help with the MTHFR), and after I trigger, I will start Lovonox to help with the clotting issues.
Where are we know- Day 5 of FSH injections (which by the way on day two I bruised SO bad... really weird, never happened before!) I will take one more and go in for my scan on Monday, and if all goes well, trigger that night.
Now you know a little about me, I can't wait to learn a little about you!!