Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Little Bear

Ok, ok, it probably wasn't fair for me to do that last post after months of not posting much, and then not give any details!

In short, here's the stats on Little Bear:

Due April 27, 2013
Currently 18 weeks
Can feel the Little Bear moving every once in a while
Am considered very high risk still because of my history
I have an MFM that I see monthly, and my OB has me on weekly checks
So far everything looks great, and Little Bear has measured ahead every check
We know the sex, but aren't revealing it quite yet (haven't on facebook yet either)
Yes, obviously a very unplanned, but joyous pregnancy!  I didn't do treatments at all

In April, my husband and I started CrossFit.  I hated it. I still hate it. But I love it too.  After 5 knee surgeries, it was something that I could excel at, sweat some, and see changes in my body.  I still have some hardware in my shin from one of the surgeries, and with the new workout routine, aggravated them, causing stress fractures around the screws.  The knee surgeon wanted me to have a bone scan done with contrast to confirm exactly which pieces of hardware was causing the problems.  

In August, I was booked for the scan, but since it involved the radioactive dye, they made me take a pregnancy test. Ha!  So the drew the blood and sent me to the waiting room where I began reading my book.  About half an hour later, I was called back, and started to be escorted to the procedure room, except we passed it and kept walking.  I jokingly asked "Am I going to glow in the dark after this?", and the doctor said, "let's talk in my office,".  Umm, ok.  My next question was "Is my cholesterol high?" (something else they said they were checking).  The doctor continued toward his office.  I stopped in the hallway, and asked "Am I pregnant".  The doctor stopped and said, "Ok, we can talk about it right here in the hallway." 

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Nope.  He wasn't.  He handed me the beta results.


So newly pregnant at that...

If you know my story, you know getting pregnant is not the hard part for me, its carrying the baby to term.  

I called my husband when I walked out of the hospital.  He asked how the test went, I told him it didn't go.  He asked why, I told him i was pregnant.  He asked if I was joking.

Really?  Would I joke about something like that.  Shock. Disbelief. Holy shit.  A call to the RE was in order.  But then what?  Wait for the other shoe to drop... like it always does?  

We did several more rounds of Beta testing, with each one rising appropriately.  At 5 weeks, saw a yolk sack right where it should be.  At 7 weeks, saw a beautiful heartbeat.  But we've seen a heartbeat before, so we still were cautious.  I was seen at the MFM and established as a patient there as well. 

I was seen weekly after that for ultrasounds at the RE's office.  When we lost our Sea Monkey, the tissue had started to deteriorate by the time I had my D&C, so they couldn't get much info from the tissue recovered.  By being checked weekly, if we lost this baby, we would know sooner, and hopefully get some answers.  Each week though, there was still a heartbeat, and appropriate growth. 

At 13 weeks I was sent to my OB.  That was a mindfuck.  Such a big office, so many people. After coming from my small RE's office that I'd been at for 3 years, with nurses and doctors who cheered with us and cried with us, it was more then I could handle.  My husband couldn't come to the appointment, so I went by myself.  Between the nurse getting my vitals and the doctor coming in, I had a complete meltdown.  I was a sobbing mess when the doctor came in.  I'm grateful he had read my chart, and knew my history, and was compassionate to that.  

We talked about my history, my fears, and my anxiety.  I told him I understood that I wouldn't be seen as often in this office as my RE, but wondered what anxiety meds they could put me on to help combat the anxiety that I knew was coming.  He said that he would rather have me keep coming in weekly then put me on meds.  That was something that I could deal with.  

We've had our NT scan at the MFM around 13 weeks, and weekly doppler checks with the nurse at my OB's office.  We go tomorrow for the long scan at the MFM tomorrow.

So far, everything is good. We are blessed.  We are still holding our breath. 

At my last OB appointment, we asked when are we 'out of the woods',  for most people it's 12 weeks.  My husbands thought all along was when we have the baby screaming in the delivery room, we're safe.  The doctor chuckled, but then agreed.  Though everything looks fine so far, they are going to continue to watch me closely, and celebrate with us in the delivery room.

We're almost half way there.   

Holy shit.  

Thanksgiving week

Thanksgiving week four years ago, I was recovering from a D&C after we lost our Sea Monkey.

Thanksgiving week three years ago, we were in the middle of a fertility cycle, which would be my sixth pregnancy.

Thanksgiving week two years ago, we were matched with a little boy due a month later, though the match failed.

Thanksgiving week a year ago, I was holding Isaac, amazed at how blessed we were.

Thanksgiving week this year, I felt a baby kick me.  From the inside.  Our miracle pregnancy.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012


We threw out the birth control that Mother's Day Sunday, and were ready!

Being naive in the whole baby making thing, I listened to a friend who told me to have sex 14 days after my cycle started, because that's when I ovulated.  Ok. Easy enough, we can do that!

So we did.

But what I realize now, is that I truly wasn't ovulating regularly.  I had wonky cycles (that I now know is because of PCOS), but didn't think how that would impact getting pregnant at the time.

We 'tried' all summer, but getting closer to the fall, we found out that my husband would be deployed the next summer.  I didn't mind going through the pregnancy without him, but really didn't want him to miss the birth and first months, so we decided to get back on birth control, and just wait until he came back home. 

In October, we waited for my cycle.... and waited... and waited.... They always were off, so 8 weeks between cycles didn't mean much.  We found a house, and closed on it in the first week of November.  That Friday, I had cramps that knocked me out.  I took major pain pills, and it did nothing to them.  I even comment to my husband, "I haven't hurt like this since I was miscarrying my baby in college".

I said that not thinking that I could possibly be miscarrying again...

For those of you that have gone through a miscarriage, you can tell the difference between the 'discharge' of a cycle, and a miscarriage.

That afternoon, the first clues started, telling me this was something more.  When the baby passed, I knew.  We called my primary care physician, told them what was happening, but since we lived 45 minuets away from the base, and it was already 4:00 on a Friday, they told me to 'collect' what I could, and go to the ER.

The doctors confirmed that I was indeed 6-7 weeks pregnant based on what we were able to collect, and told me to watch my bleeding to make sure I didn't start hemorrhaging.  They sent me home with pain pills.  My husband called our families to tell them what happened. 

I cried.

My first opportunity to become a parent with my husband was gone.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012


When I was little, I knew when I grew up that all I wanted to be was a Mom.  Maybe a teacher too, but defiantly a Mom.

Then I got pregnant in collage.  The guy I was dating had turned our 'love' into a very abusive relationship.  He 'guessed' he could marry me, since I was knocked up.  I embraced what I thought could be my happy little future.  But then it crashed.  Somewhere between 11-12 weeks, we lost the baby.  He was elated.  I was devastated.  For us, it was the beginning of the end... but that ending drug on for 6 months, taking most of my mental sanity with it.  The relationship ended when I the abuse went from verbal/emotional to physical.  He backhanded me.  I still have the picture in some digital file somewhere on my computer.  The bruises and swelling were all I had left of my love story.  I dropped all but one of my college classes, got put on academic probation, and tried to come up with a good way to explain it all to my parents.  They had no idea that any of it had happened.

When I married my husband, we talked quite a bit about having a family, but it would be a blended family. I never thought I would be a step mom.  I had never dated anyone with children before.  In our very short courtship (7 months), we drove out twice to spend time with his family, and I was able to meet his daughter. 

Six months after we got married, we moved 14 hours from the only place that I had ever known as home.  This got us within 3 hours of his daughter, which was the goal.  We started getting her on long weekends, and then over breaks.  She helped pick out a bed spread for her room, and started to get used to our house and our rules.  She called me Mom, which was weird, but I went with it.

Whenever the topic of kids did come up, we always ended up with another puppy.  That worked for us.  I had been ready to start trying as soon as we said "I Do", but Trav wanted to wait a while.  I respected that, even though I knew several women around me planning 'oops' babies... (is that a real world thing, or just a military wife thing).  After my experience in collage, I knew that no matter how bad I wanted a child, I wouldn't force that onto him if he wasn't ready. 

Don't get me wrong, there were the occasional whines about "I want a baby", and I did throw each of our dogs birthday party's, complete with goodie bags for the other dogs that came, and our friends kids.

On Mother's Day of 2007, I got a card from him (which I always did once I was a step mom), but this one was different.  The outside said "There are two types of families in this world, the type you are born into, and the one you create".  The inside had a simple typed "Happy Mothers Day", and below it, in my husband's handwriting, some of the sweetest word's I've ever read.

"I think we should try for our own family"

I was blissfully happy.

We were going to be parents in no time!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Sharing with others

To piggy back off my last post- this will continue with sharing, and how I share my story.

My husband and I are willing to share our adoption journey with just about anyone who asks.  The time period before that, and what led us to adoption isn't shared as often.  The only reason for keeping it more private is because of how emotionally exhausting it is.  Reliving our miscarriages, testing, surgery, and fertility treatments take's us back to a few very, very hard years.

A few weeks ago, one of Trav's co workers was talking to him about the adoption (he needed info from her department about how to get the DOD adoption credit).  She and her husband are getting ready to start treatments, and since Trav didn't know all the details of what I did, he got her cell phone number, and told her that I'd call.  It seemed that every time I thought about it, I knew she was either at work, or it was late in the evening, after Isaac went to bed.

Last week, I finally had the opportunity to call and talk with her.  We had a great conversation, that lasted over an hour.  It went over every aspect of my diagnosis, treatment, side affects of fertility drugs (they have done a cycle since Trav talked with her), surgeries, and then onto our process of adoption.  Being a military family, I told her of some of the issues that we had to overcome, so that she could be aware of that too.

It was a great conversation, I'm so glad that we were able to talk with each other.  However, at the end of it I was emotionally exhausted.  Re-living all the pain took more effort then I thought it would be.  I think back to the times we were trudging through it, and I'm surprised how much we did actually go through.  Who would have thought I could survive 8 miscarriages, that our marriage could survive it?

But, it did.  We survived, and we're living our happily ever after.

With a knucklehead little boy.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

How the journey changes

I'm a pretty open gal.  I guess you'd kinda have to be to have a blog, at least a public one.  Ya, I haven't really told you where I live... you don't know my last name... a girl has to have some secrets.  Overall though, I've been pretty open with our journey.

When I first started this blog, we were at the very beginning of fertility treatments.  This blog walked the path of injections, betas, miscarriages, and grief.  Once we decided to start the adoption process, I feel like my written journey went from being technical- dose of the injections on what day- to more emotional.  I suppose that makes sense.

When you're in the midst of fertility treatments, there is always an appointment to go to, a drug to take (or more likely-inject), an ultrasound, a blood test.  There is always something to do.

When you adopt, there is a flurry of activity at the beginning of the process, an application to fill out, fingerprinting, gathering birth and wedding certificates, letters of recommendations, assembling your profile.  But then, once you turn it all in, you're done.  The next part of the process involves a whole lot of waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.

At this point in our journey, this blog changed directions, it became a whole lot more focused on the emotions of things then the 'doing' of things.  I guess when you're not 'doing' something, your mind starts to wander.

That was something I truly didn't expect.  I also didn't expect it to affect my husband the way it did.  So many times, I found that I couldn't say what I was feeling, but I could type it.  After I had written some of the more poignant posts, I would email him the blog before I made it live, so he could see it first.  At times he was shocked, sometimes he felt the same way, and other times he was unsure.  Unsure I should put those emotions out, open up that much, share the scars, the tears, the raw moments we navigated through on our path.

We're not at a rest stop on our journey.  A place that we can stop and have a picnic and enjoy the blessing we have been given, watching him grow and learn.  I'm not sure where this blog will go, but, more then anything, I will always keep it real.

How private are you?

Has that helped or hurt you in your infertility journey and/or grief?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Totally Him

This picture is such a perfect representation of Isaac's attitude/ personality right now.  I love it.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


I've struggled writing this post, for many different reasons.  It's been sitting under 'drafts' for a while in my mind.

When we started the adoption process, we chose a semi open status.  Once we were matched for the first time, we could see ourselves opening up, even though that match failed.  We called our agency, and told them we would like an open adoption.

Growing up with a completely closed adoption, I had stronger feelings about it then Trav, but we agreed that it would be the best situation for all involved.

When we were matched with Isaac's birth parents, they preferred a semi open adoption, which we of course respected.  The agreement was for us to send updates 1 month after placement, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, and one year out.  Our agency requires us to send a copy for both his birth mother and birth father including pictures for both of them.  We have been sending the same letter (just addressed differently), and between 15-20 pictures.

So far, they have not requested any of the letters.  Their caseworker last had contact with them in October, and we understand their life situation, and where they are in the grieving process, they aren't ready to request the letters.

We're coming up on our year mark, so I talked to our agency about what to do once we send in our one year letter.  Should we continue with the every three months? Back it off a little and do twice a year?

To say I was shocked by their answer was an understatement.  Basically they told us on the last letter, let them know we are open to a continued relationship when they were, and they should contact us when they are ready.

Really?  That's it.  Just be done with it?

To say I'm not ok with this doesn't even come close. I'm just supposed to stop, to give up?  What am I supposed to tell my son.  "I tried writing your birth parents, but they never wrote back, so I stopped".  I knew that I wouldn't been able to look him in the eye and explain that to him one day when he asks.

If I write 100 letters, and not one of them is replied to, it's ok, because at the end of the day, I'll be able to honestly tell my son, we tried.  I wrote the agency back and explained that my husband and I had talked about it, and were not comfortable with stopping communication, so they should continue to expect our letters.  

But I'm sure he won't ask, because he will know how much they mean to us, how special they are.  We talk about them already.  We pray for them.  We hope for them.  But more then anything, we hold them in our hearts, and  love them.

If anyone hasn't told you yet, adoption is hard.  It doesn't get easier after placement.  In many ways, it seems so much harder.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Working some things out

We've been able to work some things out with the insurance, the doctor they wanted us to go see was able to sneak us in last Friday, and we had surgery set for yesterday.  I got a call on Monday saying that they would have to reschedule because he didn't have enough patients to fill up his time slot in the OR.  I was so frustrated, I explained that this was the SECOND time that it would be rescheduled, and it wasn't my problem he didn't have enough patients.  

They ended up squeezing us in tomorrow.  I think.  I'm waiting for them to call and drop him off that list, but it's after 5, so hopefully, that means we're good to go...

Except, we have had a hellish head cold in our house.  First Trav had it, then me, and yesterday Isaac.  Last night was rough for him, which was rough for momma.  He's run a low grade fever all day, but is still eating fine.  If it affects him like it affected us, then today should have been the worst, and tomorrow he'll feel much better.  We're crossing our fingers, and just planning on showing up tomorrow.  Hopefully it won't stop the surgery. It's so short of a procedure, so I'm hoping it won't.  My best friend said that all three of her kids were sick when they had tubes put in... which is why they had tube put in, because they were constantly sick.  So, here's hoping!

Last night as we were getting Isaac ready for bed, he was in the bath and I had a moment.  You know, the 'Holy shit, I'm a Mom" moment.  They used to happen all the time, when we first brought him home, but he has become so much a part of our life, that they are more infrequent now.

For so many years, my heart ached for a child.  So many prayers were set, so many tears.  It seems so unreal that those prayers have been answered.  My dream to be a mother had come true.

There was some talk on Twitter about being at home with babies or working.  I honestly thought that after the 60 days that one of us had to stay home with him required by our agency were up, I'd be back to working, at least part time.  I had no idea that I would love being at home with him so much.  I've enjoyed the routine we've gotten into.

I feel like in the past few months, my eyes have been opened, to the amazing mothers around me.  We all have our own way of doing things.

Some of us work, some of us don't.
Some of us breast feed, some of us don't.
Some of us co sleep, some of us don't.
Some of us use disposables, some of us cloth diaper.
Some of us us baby food in a jar, some of us make our own.

But we are all mothers.  We all love our children with every fiber of our being.  We all are awesome at what WE do for OUR family.

And I'm blessed to be his mother!

Monday, March 12, 2012

Failure To Thrive

We have officially had this label put on Isaac.

The doctor told me that she knows it sounds scary, and doesn't mean he's going to shrivel up and blow away, but that instead it will be helpful to get the services and therapy he needs (especially fighting with insurance).

Speaking of insurance, I'm grateful we have it.  However, I'm so dang frustrated! With us being on recruiting duty, there aren't a ton of providers that are 'in network', or the one's in network don't specialize in pediatrics.  I feel like I'm constantly tracking down referrals and authorizations.  We were finally assigned a case manager, so hopefully she can help smooth the path, and make it easier to get what we need.

Even though I know he's fine.  And that we're doing everything we can for him.. I'm scared.  I just want what's best for him, and I want him better.  If our insurance would get their shit together, it would be much appreciated!

We have ear tube surgery this Thursday (he had 4 ear infections in 10 weeks), but its with an out of network provider that somehow got switched from being authorized, to point of service, meaning we have to pay 50% of the surgery.  I'm calling tomorrow to see what the total cost would be, to see if we can swing it.  It might be better then having to go to an in network provider and waiting a month for the initial appointment then 2-4 weeks for surgery.

I must say, he still is my happy boy!  And because everything is better when I see his smile, I'll let you have some moments of happy too!  Some of my favorite recent shots of him!

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Operation Organization!

A friend of mine has made it a goal to get through the clutter in her house, and has invited us all to clean and organize along with her!

To find out more about the project Operation Organization, go check out her post here, and link up!

I'm late... as always... but I'll be doing most of my 'blogging' about it over here, on my 'house' blog!  I've uploaded my 'intro' video over there!

A whole month

Wow, I went an entire month without posting... I guess so much has happened since the last time.

We went to court to get the transfer of custody.  We then started the 6 months, and should finalize right before he turns one!!

We continued to struggle with his eating.
We've gotten referred out to to a pediatric ENT, who will be putting tubes in the next week.
He had an upper GI done, which showed no refulx, and everything else normal, so no answers there.
We will be seeing a feeding therapist at the end of the month to help on that side too.

He continues to blow us away with the thing's he's doing!  He is doing so well sitting up, and loves playing with toys in front of him.

It's been an interesting and trying month, but we're getting through it, and hopefully within the next month, we'll have some better answers.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Kept busy

Oh my gosh... What a freaking week.  I think this picture best explains where we've been.

We've been struggling with keeping Isaac eating, and by Tuesday morning, early, we were all miserable.  Isaac was up several times that night, and at 5 am, had not eaten in over 12 hours, and hadn't had any wet diapers.  We decided not to wait until the doctor was open, and went to the ER.  They got us back quickly (unlike the 7 hour wait the week before).  They did x-rays and blood work.  A few hours later they admitted him.  

It was determined that (even after antibiotics that started on Sunday) his ears had gotten MUCH worse.  He also tested positive for RSV.

They decided not to do a swallow test, becuase after the speech therapist watched him eat (and tried feeding him), they determined that most of the issues had to do with combinations of him being sick, and nothing more.  They gave me some tips to help him eat better, sucking out his nose before each feedings, and swaddelign him, to keep him 'less distracted' by his moving body.  The goal right now is 24oz/per day.  Yesterday we got to 21oz, so we're headed in the right direction.   

We ended up staying 2 nights, and the antibiotic seemed to make such a difference.  He was back to my happy baby the morning they released us (Friday).  Yesterday, I caught up on all the stuff that had been ignored all week. 

There was a light snow that came in the first night we were there.  When Travis came to visit the next morning, he and Isaac stood at the window and watched it fall.

He has a nervous thing he does, in scratching his head.  He'll also do it when he is really upset (crying).  With his IV on the top of his head, he grabbed it a couple times.  We've figured out that the gloves they make for babies don't work, he can get them off... however, SOCKS work great.  My Mom got him these socks for Christmas (because "every baby needs a pair of Santa socks").  He would look at the 'man' on his hands and smile... it was cute!

I'm glad to be home.  And I'm looking forward to having my healthy happy baby back.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Pediatric Urgent Care

So... it's been a long day.

By 4pm, Isaac had only eaten 8 ounces.

That's not ok.  I'm not ok with that.

We took him to the pediatric urgent care.

And they listened.

They really listened to me.

They agreed that something was wrong.

So now we have been told he needs a swallow study and a developmental review.

I hate that it's taken so long to get what he needs, but I'm happy we're getting somewhere.

We're calling the doctor tomorrow to get these referrals started on, so we can get him better.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Saturday Morning

On weekends, if Isaac get's up early, one of us goes and changes him, the other makes the bottle and feeds him. This morning, I changed him, then went and crawled back into bed.  Trav kept Isaac in the other room, and about 10am, came back in with him.  He brought him in to snuggle.

There is no better way to spend my Saturday morning then suuggeling with my little guy.  I really don't want him to get in the habit of being in our bed, (since it's so hard to break), so I think that we'll keep this as our very limited Saturday morning thing.

But it was awesome!

Friday, January 6, 2012

25 Ounces

Never would I believe that I could be SO THRILLED about this number, but it's the number of ounces that Isaac ate today!

He's supposed to be at 30 ounces per day.

This is the closest we've gotten in weeks.  We still had to fight him, and there still was 45 minuet feeding sessions.







And that's a great way to start the weekend!

PS: It's crazy warm here today, like 69*, we actually put a jacket on Isaac and took a walk around the neighborhood.  He sat in his stroller for the first time!!  I took a picture, I'll try to upload it tomorrow.  So cute!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Hard day

Today was a really hard day with Isaac's eating.  We got close to 20 ounces, but still not close to 30 ounces.

He also didn't sleep well, and woke up about every 45 minuets, which meant that I never could get to far into any one project I needed to get done.

By the time Trav came home from work, I told him I resigned from being Mom for the evening.  I'm so blessed that he happily took over 100% of care for Isaac, and I got to work out in the bedroom and even got a backrub before bed, and generally recharge!

I love that guy.  Well, both my guys, even if today was rough!


Ok, I've worked on the digital side of my blog a little bit, so this is probably all you can count on as a post today.

The one thing you'll want to check out is the new tab on the top that says MONTH BY MONTH.

When Isaac was born, we decided to get a build a bear for both him and his birth mom.  We got one for her, not only to have, but so she would have something the same as him, and could see compared to the bear, how big he was getting.

I know my mom LOVES these pictures, and has told several people about them (even if they aren't adopting, they get the bear for grandparents out of town).

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Doctor's follow-up to ER

Ugh, I hate our pediatrician.

I've gotta figure out a way to get a new one (our health plan only has like 4, and we've heard they are all bad... love the military sometimes).

So he think's Isaac has reflux.  That's awesome, I'm glad we have an answer.

My question is..... why did I have to take my son to the ER, when I told you all the same things A WEEK AGO!!!

All he did then was put us on a two week weight check.

We're starting the reflux med's today, we'll see how quick we see an improvement.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

ER Visit

Last night, the formula change no longer seemed to be working, he was back to biting the nipple and screaming. I called the doctor this morning, and made an appointment for tomorrow.  By mid afternoon, he still had only eaten 9oz, so I called the doctor again to see if we should feed him some Pedialyte.  They suggested that we go to the ER.  We showed up about 3:30pm.

 It was the middle of the day... how busy could it be?

Ha!  We were there on a RECORD BREAKING day... over 107 patients.  About 6pm, we were 20th in line, provided a 'higher level' emergency didn't come in.  They gave me Pedialyte to feed him while we were waiting, I had tried formula again, and he outright refused it.

At 8pm, we were 14th in line, and we were both tired.  He had hardly slept, and I was exhausted.  Travis was there by then.  Since we were just sitting there waiting, I told him to stay at work, and get everything done he needed to, so that if I needed him home tomorrow, he could do it easier.

By 10pm, we decided that if all they were going to do was give us Pedialyte, we would be fine, we could get through the night, and just follow up with the appointment we already had.  That way we could go home, and they would have one less case to deal with.  I felt so bad for the nursing staff, they were doing the best they could, and some people were really being nasty.  They said they were going to try to get some cases that just needed to be 'reviewed' by the doctor done and out, and we were on that list.  They brought us back just after that, and the doctor confirmed he wasn't in distress, he didn't have any sores in his mouth, and suggested we try goats milk.   What the what?

We thanked them, checked out, and left.  On the way home, Trav stopped and got some more Pedialyte, so at least if he wasn't drinking formula, he was still drinking something.

We gave our boy a bath, he then actually ate about 4oz of formula, and then tucked him in.

Wow, what a freaking day.

I'm exhausted.

I'm going to bed!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Formula Change

While we were visiting my parents over the holidays, Isaac's schedule got way out of wack.  No matter how hard we tried, we were unable to keep the schedule.  Because his sleeping got messed up, so did his eating.  Throw in an up-all-night ear infection and we just threw in the towel.

We hoped that once we got home things would get back to normal, and we could begin our routine again.  When we went for Isaac's last Wednesday, they of course weighed him again.  He was the same weight as he was the week before in the urgent care.  His percentage dropped too ( he had gone up to the 13/15%, and is now back down at the 5ish%).

The doctor didn't think it needed to be urgently looked at, so we moved to bi-weekly weight checks (instead of monthly).   He told me Isaac should be eating 30oz per day, and to keep track of his intake.

Wednesday through Saturday, he ranged between 18oz and 22oz.  Sunday, his intake was even lower, by 1:00pm (after church), he had only eaten 6oz.  He would suck and gulp 4-5 times, and then would bear down, and kinda grunt.  A friend of ours said that both her daughters did the exact same thing, and that they were lactose intolerant.  At that point, Trav and I were desperate, and we stopped by the store on the way home to get some soy formula.

That afternoon, Isaac doubled his morning formula intake, and we were up to 12 oz.  By the end of the day, we were up to 20 oz... still not good but better.  And no more straining.

Today was rougher, because the sudden (but necessary) formula change 'clogged the plumbing'.  Let's just say, you know you're a Mom when.... well, just know that Vaseline, q-tips, and lots of wipes were used, and he ended up in the bath!

We thought things were going better, he was defiantly eating better, until tonight.  At his night time feeding, he only ate 4oz (this is usually always a 6oz or 8oz) feeding, and began the bear down-grunting thing again.

There is obviously something wrong.  I guess it's compounded with the fact that he's so tiny as it is, he doesn't have the weight to loose (or the option of not gaining weight).

The doctors office was closed today.  Guess where we're going to be tomorrow?!?

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Year in Review

January:  Super sucky!  We had many many many tears as a result as our failed adoption on New Years Eve.  I also had my second bout with pertussis (whooping cough).  It took 3 ER visits, and 2 doctors visits to figure it out.

February:  The month started with our marriage being rocked to the core.  I didn't write much about it, because I didn't know how it would end, either divorce, or stronger then ever.  Obviously, it turned out we got stronger.  I had minor surgery to clear out mucus plugs as a result of the pertussis.  My blog started drama with family members (ugh!), and we had a Snowopoclipse.

March:  Spring came, and then more snow.  We built our raised garden beds.  We sent in our taxes, applying for the adoption tax credit for our failed adoption.

April:  I did 'A-Z' blogging, but sorta stopped at W....

May:  The start of the month was consumed with the OneSolePurpose 5k/10k event that was wildly successful.  The second half of the month we spent a lot of time helping out after Joplin Tornado, and our friends that lost everything.

June:  My parents came to visit and we had a blast, and then I had a BFP.  I miscarried right after, but it added one more to my number of losses.  Eight.  That's a number I thought I'd never associate with that.

July:  We took a trip to Wisconsin to go to a family wedding, and I had fun on Twitter!  I stayed quite on the blog, but we also were matched, met Isaac's birth parents, and our little boy was born this month!

August:  I turned 28 (!) and we went to Kentucky to pick up our baby boy.  We stayed there a week, and then came home after the ICPC as a family.  Lots of family came to visit, and we adjusted our lives now hat we had a baby involved!

September:  We began getting into a routine after Trav went back to work, and also wrote his birthparents their first letter.  We sized kids for their shoes (for OneSolePurpose), and continued to be blessed by Isaac.  Also, my back wasn't adjusting well to holding a baby, so weekly visits to get adjusted began!

October:  Our family went to the pumpkin patch, and made memories.  We also dedicated Isaac at church surrounded by our extended family.  We also began cloth diapering!

November:  We spent this month being thankful for our family of four, Isaac kept growing, and we started planning our family trip to New Mexico.

December:  Isaac experienced his first snow, we traveled to New Mexico, and we finished out our year remembering the failed adoption a year ago, but being grateful for the little boy that has stolen our hearts!