Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Little Bear

Ok, ok, it probably wasn't fair for me to do that last post after months of not posting much, and then not give any details!

In short, here's the stats on Little Bear:

Due April 27, 2013
Currently 18 weeks
Can feel the Little Bear moving every once in a while
Am considered very high risk still because of my history
I have an MFM that I see monthly, and my OB has me on weekly checks
So far everything looks great, and Little Bear has measured ahead every check
We know the sex, but aren't revealing it quite yet (haven't on facebook yet either)
Yes, obviously a very unplanned, but joyous pregnancy!  I didn't do treatments at all

In April, my husband and I started CrossFit.  I hated it. I still hate it. But I love it too.  After 5 knee surgeries, it was something that I could excel at, sweat some, and see changes in my body.  I still have some hardware in my shin from one of the surgeries, and with the new workout routine, aggravated them, causing stress fractures around the screws.  The knee surgeon wanted me to have a bone scan done with contrast to confirm exactly which pieces of hardware was causing the problems.  

In August, I was booked for the scan, but since it involved the radioactive dye, they made me take a pregnancy test. Ha!  So the drew the blood and sent me to the waiting room where I began reading my book.  About half an hour later, I was called back, and started to be escorted to the procedure room, except we passed it and kept walking.  I jokingly asked "Am I going to glow in the dark after this?", and the doctor said, "let's talk in my office,".  Umm, ok.  My next question was "Is my cholesterol high?" (something else they said they were checking).  The doctor continued toward his office.  I stopped in the hallway, and asked "Am I pregnant".  The doctor stopped and said, "Ok, we can talk about it right here in the hallway." 

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Nope.  He wasn't.  He handed me the beta results.


So newly pregnant at that...

If you know my story, you know getting pregnant is not the hard part for me, its carrying the baby to term.  

I called my husband when I walked out of the hospital.  He asked how the test went, I told him it didn't go.  He asked why, I told him i was pregnant.  He asked if I was joking.

Really?  Would I joke about something like that.  Shock. Disbelief. Holy shit.  A call to the RE was in order.  But then what?  Wait for the other shoe to drop... like it always does?  

We did several more rounds of Beta testing, with each one rising appropriately.  At 5 weeks, saw a yolk sack right where it should be.  At 7 weeks, saw a beautiful heartbeat.  But we've seen a heartbeat before, so we still were cautious.  I was seen at the MFM and established as a patient there as well. 

I was seen weekly after that for ultrasounds at the RE's office.  When we lost our Sea Monkey, the tissue had started to deteriorate by the time I had my D&C, so they couldn't get much info from the tissue recovered.  By being checked weekly, if we lost this baby, we would know sooner, and hopefully get some answers.  Each week though, there was still a heartbeat, and appropriate growth. 

At 13 weeks I was sent to my OB.  That was a mindfuck.  Such a big office, so many people. After coming from my small RE's office that I'd been at for 3 years, with nurses and doctors who cheered with us and cried with us, it was more then I could handle.  My husband couldn't come to the appointment, so I went by myself.  Between the nurse getting my vitals and the doctor coming in, I had a complete meltdown.  I was a sobbing mess when the doctor came in.  I'm grateful he had read my chart, and knew my history, and was compassionate to that.  

We talked about my history, my fears, and my anxiety.  I told him I understood that I wouldn't be seen as often in this office as my RE, but wondered what anxiety meds they could put me on to help combat the anxiety that I knew was coming.  He said that he would rather have me keep coming in weekly then put me on meds.  That was something that I could deal with.  

We've had our NT scan at the MFM around 13 weeks, and weekly doppler checks with the nurse at my OB's office.  We go tomorrow for the long scan at the MFM tomorrow.

So far, everything is good. We are blessed.  We are still holding our breath. 

At my last OB appointment, we asked when are we 'out of the woods',  for most people it's 12 weeks.  My husbands thought all along was when we have the baby screaming in the delivery room, we're safe.  The doctor chuckled, but then agreed.  Though everything looks fine so far, they are going to continue to watch me closely, and celebrate with us in the delivery room.

We're almost half way there.   

Holy shit.  

Thanksgiving week

Thanksgiving week four years ago, I was recovering from a D&C after we lost our Sea Monkey.

Thanksgiving week three years ago, we were in the middle of a fertility cycle, which would be my sixth pregnancy.

Thanksgiving week two years ago, we were matched with a little boy due a month later, though the match failed.

Thanksgiving week a year ago, I was holding Isaac, amazed at how blessed we were.

Thanksgiving week this year, I felt a baby kick me.  From the inside.  Our miracle pregnancy.