Friday, November 20, 2009

Bittersweet Day

I'm not quite sure how tomorrow will go... so I don't know if I'll be around.

A year ago, I became an Aunt for the first time. 
A year ago, my husband became an Uncle.
A year ago, my in law's became grandparents for a second time.
A year ago, a beautiful baby was born.


A year ago, was one of the worst day's of my life.
A year ago, Dr. V took my baby.
A year ago, even though I know he was gone before, he was really gone.
A year ago, I cried on the way to the hospital for my D and C as my husband got a text message that his sister had just given birth.
A year ago, I didn't give a damn that she had a baby, I actually told my mother in law to stop sending me updates, because I really didn't care.
A year ago, I was really heartless to the nurses who tried to be so kind to me.
A year ago, I was hopeless, and angry, and sad.
A year ago, my husband wrote me a letter while I was in surgery, and it still makes me cry to this day.
He was the only one in the waiting room, I remember walking back to the pre-op area where they could get me ready.  I looked back right before the door closed, and he looked so defeated. 
A year ago, we lost our little Sea Monkey.

This is the last picture I have of him.  His little heart was beating so strong.  I still keep it on my Blackberry, I just don't have the heart to delete it.  The original is in our 'baby box' up in the closet...


  1. (((hugs)))

    It's been a rough year. You are very positive and upbeat and so this post of reflection and sadness touches me twice as deep. Thinking of you today.

  2. (((HUGS))) You'll be in my thoughts today. I can relate to what you said on the day of you D&C that your sea monkey was "really gone". I felt the same way when I had mine. I know how painful this is too. My DH became an uncle on the same day that I had my D&E for my 3rd loss.

  3. Miscarriage is a just horrific experience. Worst thing that has ever happened to me. Repeatedly.

    I hope that your NEAR future has a healthy pregnancy that results in a take home baby!

  4. I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of **hugs**

  5. Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Nothing hurts worse than losing your child. I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world. I pray that you have a sweet baby in your arms, soon!

  6. My heart just breaks for you. I can't imagine how you must have been feeling on that day! It sounds like you have a loving, supportive DH -- what would we do without them?

    Thinking of you! Hugs!