Friday, November 20, 2009

Bittersweet Day

I'm not quite sure how tomorrow will go... so I don't know if I'll be around.

A year ago, I became an Aunt for the first time. 
A year ago, my husband became an Uncle.
A year ago, my in law's became grandparents for a second time.
A year ago, a beautiful baby was born.

But-

A year ago, was one of the worst day's of my life.
A year ago, Dr. V took my baby.
A year ago, even though I know he was gone before, he was really gone.
A year ago, I cried on the way to the hospital for my D and C as my husband got a text message that his sister had just given birth.
A year ago, I didn't give a damn that she had a baby, I actually told my mother in law to stop sending me updates, because I really didn't care.
A year ago, I was really heartless to the nurses who tried to be so kind to me.
A year ago, I was hopeless, and angry, and sad.
A year ago, my husband wrote me a letter while I was in surgery, and it still makes me cry to this day.
He was the only one in the waiting room, I remember walking back to the pre-op area where they could get me ready.  I looked back right before the door closed, and he looked so defeated. 
A year ago, we lost our little Sea Monkey.

This is the last picture I have of him.  His little heart was beating so strong.  I still keep it on my Blackberry, I just don't have the heart to delete it.  The original is in our 'baby box' up in the closet...


7 comments:

  1. (((hugs)))

    It's been a rough year. You are very positive and upbeat and so this post of reflection and sadness touches me twice as deep. Thinking of you today.

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  2. (((HUGS))) You'll be in my thoughts today. I can relate to what you said on the day of you D&C that your sea monkey was "really gone". I felt the same way when I had mine. I know how painful this is too. My DH became an uncle on the same day that I had my D&E for my 3rd loss.

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  3. Miscarriage is a just horrific experience. Worst thing that has ever happened to me. Repeatedly.

    I hope that your NEAR future has a healthy pregnancy that results in a take home baby!

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  4. I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of **hugs**

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  5. Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Nothing hurts worse than losing your child. I wish I could give you the biggest hug in the world. I pray that you have a sweet baby in your arms, soon!

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  6. My heart just breaks for you. I can't imagine how you must have been feeling on that day! It sounds like you have a loving, supportive DH -- what would we do without them?

    Thinking of you! Hugs!

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