Tuesday, January 12, 2010


Today my grandmother was whisked away to heaven.  I have never met her, but she knew me, and loved me.  You see, she was my birth mothers mom. 

I called my mom to talk to her and see how she was doing.  I know the past few days have been a struggle.  We talked about her family, and everything that had been going on.  She then asked me  how things were.  I told her about my first few days of college have been, and that this is our last fertility cycle, at least for a while.  And how we are very seriously thinking about giving up on my body, and moving on to adoption. 

She stopped me, and with tears in her eyes, and her voice cracking, she told me that she knew exactly what her mom was doing right now.

She was up in heaven, and right now, she is holding on to each of my babies. And loving on them. And taking care of them until the next grandparent shows up to help. 

My husband and I had wanted to send some flowers, but didn't quite know how to do it (not everyone is so... um... how do we say it... 'ok' with the fact she gave me up for adoption (like her sisters)).  Also, her youngest daughter doesn't know that I exist.  We were just going to sign them somewhat anonymously, but were torn on what to do. 

She told me that the one thing I could do to honor a grandmother I never met was to buy flowers, but not for the service, for our home.  And that I needed to get flowers that had a strong smell, because just like people, she felt that "if they were beautiful, but had a cold heart, they weren't worth their time". 

It's not enough to be just beautiful, you must be fragrant too.

Needless to say we cried, and she told me how her mother rocked all her grandbabies, and she would do the same for ours.  How she held them with a hand over her heart.  How, if my husband beats me up there, she will show him just the right way to do things!

So they were tears, but tears because my heart was touched, and not tears of sadness.

So tomorrow, there will be a beautiful bouquet in our home, and as we pass it, and enjoy it, we will think of my mom, and my grandmother.


  1. Wow, Jen. This is such a beautifully sad thing.

  2. Jenicini summed it up so well. This is indeed a beautifully sad thing. Thinking about you and your family at this time.

  3. You are so amazing Jen! I'm so honored to call you my friend!

    I know your grandma is in heaven rocking your babies right now. She may not have rocked you...but God sent her to rock them. I can't imagine how much that warms your heart. I hope the flowers are as beautiful and fragrant as she was.

    Love you so much sweetie!

  4. How beautiful to remember your Grandmother with *fragrant* flowers. I love that thought.

    Thinking about you.

  5. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I think it's great that you and your mother connected in that way. I think you should post a picture of that beautiful boquet.

  6. I agree... I think you should post pics of your bouquet. Remembering your grandma with you.