Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Blue Balls

This post isn't nearly as exciting as the title might lead to....

That being said, I substituted for a PE teacher today.  Ok, fine, no big deal. 

Ya. Right.

This was literally my instructions

**Meet students in health room***
Loco-motor activities
Duck Duck Goose/ Simon Says

***Meet students in gym***
Loco-motor activities
Freeze Tag

Really?  That's all you can give me???  What kind of stretching, what kind of activities.  Well, I figured I could just ask the students what they normaly did. 

Except my first class was kindergartners.  Oh. My. Gosh.  Things I learned about Kindergartners today:

They don't know how to tell you something, they have to show you.
It doesn't matter if you have reminded them to raise their hand.  15 times.  They still won't.
They are very whiny.
They can say 'teacher' 4 times in one sentance.
Though we've had snow on the ground  for over a week, they spent the first 5 minuets after they walked in the health room standing at the window screaming "snow, snow,snow!"
I am not able to deal with 25 kindergartners for more then 1/2 an hour and still keep my sanity.

I'll take middle school kids ANYDAY!

The second class was 1st grade and they went in the gym and did the stretching, activities, and freeze tag.
The way they play freeze tag is by getting one of those rubber playground balls and that's what they tag the people with.  The balls they have are all blue.  Ever few minuets or so, I would have the two students that were 'freezing' people find a friend who hadn't been a 'freezer' and pass the ball on.

It went something like this:

"Ok first graders, if you are someone who is freezing now, please pass the blue ball's onto a friend who hasn't had a change to freeze" 

There was one of the janitors that was in the corner, who wasn't very old, under 30 (unlike most janitors around here are grandpa aged), and he about died laughing.  It took me a second to realize what I said.  Since we switched ever few minuets, I tried adjusting it to "please pass the 'freezing' balls to a new friend", "please pass your balls to a new friend", "please pass what you're holding on to freeze people with to a new friend"....

Ya, none of them really worked.

And the janitor and I laughed.

So in my 4 hour assignment, I had 2 half hour classes.... and I made a bagillion copies for other teachers with the other three hours of my day...

Tomorrow I'm teaching Science at a High School.  I bet I wouldn't have been lucky enough to have the 'blue ball' comment go over their heads!

But really, right now I'm doing the snow dance, and hoping that we have a snow day... that would be SO nice- I could get my Christmas decorations down!


  1. That's too funny! Those are horrible plans. When I subbed, I dreaded things like that!

  2. I didn't realize you were a substitute teacher! You must have all kinds of adventures. I can just picture the janitor dying laughing right now. You're right, there is NO way around saying something that sounds wrong when dealing with blue balls. hahaha.

  3. That made me laugh so much! Hope you get your snow day! I was supposed to have one, but no such luck. Not even a snowflake.

  4. I dunno, I think it turned out pretty well after all. You at least got to laugh with another adult...