Sunday, November 21, 2010

Two Years

It's hard to remember that I should have a toddler right now.  We finally have hope, because we have given up on my body, and know that at the end of all the bumps in the road with adoption, we will have a child at the end... a guarantee my body could never give me.

But, it still hurts.  We have had 6 miscarriages.  Six angles in heaven.  The first one we found out about after it was gone, the last four were early, we were still in the midst of beta's and watching the numbers rise, and then fall.  But our second, our precious second.

I don't know if its because we had so much hope. 
Maybe because we got pregnant as soon as he got home from deployment.
We saw a heartbeat even. 
A flickering little spot of our Sea Monkey.

We call this our 'big' pregnancy. 
Maybe because it lasted the longest.
We told our parents, and even started thinking ahead to the future with our little one.

But two years ago today, the doctor took our Sea Monkey from my body, and I was empty.

Empty in more ways then one.

Though I have hope for the future, and the child we will have some day, I occasionally stop and think of our little one that I miss so much.

And I cry.

Today is one of those days. 

This is the last picture I have of our Sea Monkey.  I still keep a copy of it on my Blackberry, though don't click in to see it very often.


  1. Sorry you have gone through so much!

  2. I'm sorry this is such a rough day. I know these days are hard. I'll be thinking of you.

  3. I'm sorry that you have to have this anniversary to celebrate. I hope that you soon have a new one to celebrate, the day that you bring your child home for the first time. To answer your question on my blog.. I got a Canon T2i. If you buy it from the big blue box store, they have bundles where you can get an extra lens with the camera, and I don't know what they're offering for black friday, but it's probably a bundle package.

  4. My heart is breaking for you....sending lots of love your way today.

  5. I'm sorry Jen. No one should have to go through that.

  6. Oh Jen... Sending you hugs, many, many hugs...