Monday, November 29, 2010


So, I misunderstood.

When the agency told us that the birth mom had 5 days, I assumed that meant they gave all birth mom's five days to make their decision.  No.  What it  meant was that the earliest the birth mom would be able to contact them would be 5 days because of the holiday.

We had been viewing today as do or die.  We would know, one way or the other.

If we were picked, it was a phone call.  If we weren't picked, and e-mail.

Talk about anxiety (yes, xanax has been my best friend for the last few days!).  I woke up when Travis left this morning, and couldn't go back to sleep...

The knot in my chest just got tighter and tighter.  At 11 a dear friend of mine forced me to leave.  We went to Target, because I needed to return something, and she needed to get a few things.  I couldn't take it anymore, so about 1/2 way through the store, I borrowed her phone, and checked my email.  I had one from the agency director, but it was about a question.

The birth mom wanted to know how likely it was that Trav would deploy now, or in the future.  I called the agency, but she was out to lunch so I told her what I knew.

As a recruiter, he won't deploy at all, so he'll be home for at least another 2 1/2 years.  If he stays in recruiting for the rest of his career (either at the squadron level or MEPS), he'll be home forever.  His old job isn't highly deployable, and in the 11 years he's been in, he went to Korea for 32 days, and Kyrgyzstan for 4 months.

I figured if the Birthmom is asking questions, at least we are still in the running.

She was meeting with the Birthdad this afternoon. 

Who knows how long they will take to decide.

Until then, I'll be popping xanax and trying to stay busy.

God is determined to teach me paitence, one way or antother....


  1. Oh ny gosh, torture! Still sending good thoughts your way.

  2. It's such a challenge that we have to "learn" patience instead of simply "receive" it. But patience isn't just important in waiting for a newborn--it becomes significant once the newborn arrives!

    As a military wife, I feel for you. As if it's not enough of a lingering question for you about whether or not your spouse will deploy (thankfully, it sounds like he isn't anytime soon!), I hate the thought of being "judged" on the possibility that he might at some point down the road. Plenty of people travel for business, but I feel that question wouldn't come up with a "normal" job. Tough stuff--but like you said, it would seem that you're still in the running! And hopefully your response about his un-likelihood of deploying is what they want to hear. Praying for you!

  3. Hoping for a sooner rather than later decision!

  4. Praying for you guys.... Hope you hear soon. I can't even imagine the feelings that are running thru you
    :) J

  5. Oh my...sounds like a long few days. I really hope you hear soon!

  6. Ugh. I had posted you almost right after you posted and my internet kicked me off and it didn't post. Grrr.

    What I was, so eloquently trying to say was, is that I too struggle with patience. It's so difficult especially seeing as we have been waiting for this for so long. While you do not know what the birth parents are going to do in terms of their choice, the only thing you can do it to put it out there, believe and keep reminding yourself that YOUR baby is going to be here...soon. Wishing the best for you and that things fall into place as they should. (((HUGS)))

  7. So nerve wracking! I'm thinking of you.