Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Alone & Numbers

I really hate being alone at night. With Travis working late hours to train the new guy, he's been getting home late, like after 8 most nights.  Starting dinner at eight sucks. 
Ok, over that vent, on to my next one...

What is it with numbers and infertility.  You're whole life revolves around numbers.  Freaking numbers!
First, it starts with what day of your cycle you are on
Then, how many mg of Clomid, or FSH, or whatever drug you are taking
How many days do you take the drug.
Then its all about follicle size (and how many you have if you are doing IVF), to help you plan the trigger.
Ugh, and the ever fateful 'countdown' of 36 hours for your 'date' night (or morning in this cycles case), or IUI.
Once that is done, you wait 2 days to start the LOVELY Lovonox shots and progesterone suppositories.
Then the ever fateful 2ww.... what a hellish two weeks.  If only our vacations seemed to last as long as those damn two weeks, life would be good. 
Do you test, don't you test, how many lines are there?  You're hoping for those beautiful 2 pink lines (or if you use the cheep walmart brand like I do, because otherwise we would go BROKE! two blue lines). 
You think its all over after the two pink lines.  But no, then there are a whole other set of numbers...Beta numbers.

How freaking mind wracking are those.  Some people have a 25, others have 153 at the same dpo.  Is one high, is one low?  Who knows?  The normal is something like 8-400.... really, that's not helpful!  :)  That's like telling your husband you spent something between $8-$400 on clothes, he would like you to be a little more specific (at least mine would... and hopefully on the lesser end, so for him 25 would be great!).

Then its the next countdown to your 2nd beta, and 3rd if needed, and then until your first ultrasound usually in week five to make sure there is a fetal pole and then week six to try to see a heartbeat, and then the beats per minute, and then  the countdown to to the moment when you get to *hopefully* hold your beautiful, amazing, wonderful baby.

I HATE NUMBERS!!! and how mind numbing insane numbers make an infertile like me....


  1. I hear you! Waiting, waiting, and more waiting!

  2. I HATE numbers...I hate math! :)

    It is all a stupid waiting game...hang in there babe!

  3. Yeah I totally agree. There seem to be numbers for EVERYTHING IF related. And so much damn waiting!! It sucks! And I feel like even with the betas and baby-stuff if you are super fertile you don't worry through every step, but IFers can't relax until there's a baby in their arms. And you can't blame us, we're used to stuff going wrong.

    In conclusion: numbers suck!