Thursday, April 21, 2011

O- Openness

When we started the adoption process, we selected a semi-open adoption.  My brother and I's adoptions were both closed.  When I was 19  I petitioned the courts to open my records, and they did.  It took about a year to get everything done, (so I was nearly 20)  and I've since built a relationship with my birth mother.  I could have done it way before then, but just wasn't ready.  My brother is 20 now and still hasn't done anything.  And that's ok.  It's his choice. 

So, based on my own families experience, we liked the bit of anonymity that a semi-open would provide.  We set up a first name only email account, so that we could communicate more frequently, and not have to go through the agency, making the communication less restricted.  

 However, several weeks after our failed adoption, Trav and I were talking.  Since we had interacted with possible birth parents, we both decided we could see us opening up the adoption in the future of the relationship.  I guess that's the one best thing they did for us, was show us that we were willing to do an open adoption.  I could see me texting her pictures of our little boy as he hit milestones.

We figured since we were ok with opening up after we met any birth parents, we might as well start that way, as to not excluded us from any potential matches.

Our agency does a good job restricting openness in 'unique' situations; drug use, arrests, mental conditions, etc.  So we feel safe knowing that when it needs to be restricted it will.  I suppose it's safe to say that it hasn't helped us so far in achieving a match, but we'll see where it leads us!


  1. If you chose an open adoption, but someone that wants a closed and likes your profile, can they still pick you?

  2. Best of luck in your adoption! My brother and I were both adopted as well - we have the same biological parents, and since we were adopted by our birth father's oldest sister, we have an open adoption. Some days I see it as a blessing, other days I feel like it's a curse, but it is what it is. :) Someday I hope to adopt, and I'm open to an open adoption as well. I guess it's easier to know what to expect when you can relate to it, you know? Anyways... best of luck!