Why IVF is not for us

If you are a staunch supporter of IVF *and only IFV*, stop reading.  Now.  You will probably not like what I have to say.

Saying that, two of my best friends have done IVF, (both two rounds with FET) and another one is getting ready to do FET.  I am 100% supportive of them and their decision, because it is what they chose for themselves.

However, that being said, Trav and I decided LONG ago that we wouldn't go to IVF.... we're not even sure that we'll do IUI....

Now that I have had five miscarriages, we are faced with the 'now what' question?  Since both of us have had the genetic counseling (after #4) , and on the surface checked out ok, we aren't sure if it is genetic or some other reason.  It could be either.  If we would decide to do IVF, and have the embryos genetically looked and, and decide to transfer the ones that look the best (if we are lucky enough to have that does), and our problem isn't genetic, then we have done nothing except use up $15,000.  Because, if the problem isn't genetic, then it is an issue with my body being able to carry the child, in which the IVF did nothing to help us overcome that problem. 

Another factor is money.  We do not make a ton, are you kidding me, my husband is in the military! :)  I know that there are others out there who make less then us, and decide to do IVF, that's not my argument.  Once we save the money (or take out a loan... hopefully not), we have decided how to spend it.  Some people (like my Dad) are gamblers, love to ride the stock market, in their mind, great risks equal great rewards.  Some people (like my Mom) are holders, loving safe investments, great risks equal great losses.  When it comes to us, we have decided that the risk of me being able to carry a child to term is high.  Lets be honest, I don't exactly have a great track record.... my body has failed me five times now.  Because of my lack of trust in my own body, I am not willing to spend the money on IFV, I would rather use that money to fund an adoption. 

I am an adopted child (so is my little brother).  When my husband married me, he knew we were going to adopt.  We would have one or two of our own, and adopt one or two.  There was no argument on his part, he was totally fine with it.  (However, sometimes it seems that we might be adopting all of our children!).  Our parents support this, our friends support this, but more importantly we both support each other in this- now.  It took a while, because Travis wanted to perhaps do an international adoption, to him a baby, was a baby, was a baby.  Being an adopted child myself, I always get a little giddy inside when I'm with my Mom and someone says how much we look alike, or my little brother.  Knowing full well that I DON'T really belong, the fact that someone outside our family thinks I do, is amazing.  I told Travis he would never understand it.  Period.  Unless you are adopted, I don't think you understand it.  For that reason, I wanted to pursue domestic infant adoption.  We were afraid that the cost would be SOOO much higher, but actually, we found several agencies that are the same if not lower then the international adoption.  So, it was decided, when we are ready, we know that we will use one of two adoption agencies that we have met with.

That is how we came to our decision.  If you are a friend or family member, you probably knew that we were looking at adoption, but now you know why.  If you are a blog reader, you can understand where our next steps might lead us.  If you have gone through IVF, or are planning on it, know that you will have 100% of my support and prayers.  I completely respect your decision, and truly hopes that it will give you the child that you so desperately want.