Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Praying for this?

A clotting disorder.

That is what infertility had done to me.  I am hoping and praying that my blood results come back that I have a clotting disorder, and that was the reason for my five (!) losses.  That would be understandable.  We would have a reason.  A crappy reason, but a reason.  A reason that would give us a plan of how to fix it. 

Because if not, then more then likely it is genetic. 

To be more specific, my genes.

It would mean that it is MY fault this keeps happening. 

Something in my genetic material is so screwed up that it ruins everything.

Please God, give me a clotting disorder.  That we can fix with drugs... Please.

Hopefully the blood results come back this week.  But that's me being hopeful.

It was a sad moment when it finally clicked, really clicked, that if the clotting tests came back negative, then the next best guess was my genes were messing something up, (since Trav obviously is doing fine in that area- que beautiful daughter....)


  1. I understand the whole wishing for a diagnosis thing. It's like you'd actually prefer to have something concrete wrong with you so you can understand what is happening. I technically still have unexplained IF, so I was constantly wishing some test would come back abnormal.

    I am so sorry you have gone through so many losses. There is nothing, no words at all, to offer comfort for such heartbreak. I can't even claim to understand even a little bit having never been pregnant myself. I think you're so strong to be able to keep going.

    I hope you find the answers you are looking for soon.

  2. I'm so sorry, that sucks that a clotting disorder would be a relief. I will have my fingers crossed for you.

    Thank you for the comment on my blog.

  3. Oh crap, I don't want to wish you something bad but if you insist then I hope you have a clotting disorder. I know what you mean love, it would be better to have something wrong with you than to have nothing wrong and the m/c being your fault. Either way-IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
    I'm nervous and excited to hear what your doctor has to say...just rememeber, I will be there holding your hand in spirit!

    Something I have mentioned to G is donor eggs. If it comes back that I have a problem, I want to use donor eggs and his sperm to have a baby. My friends just did donor embryo but I want G's sperms, so at least the baby will be half ours (it will be our 100% but you know what I mean)...I'm praying it never gets there for us.


  4. I agree with Jess! I totally understand needing a reason for all of this pain and it will give you something concrete to treat.

    I pray that you get the results you are looking for and that whatever it is that is going on is fixable and you get to be an earth mommy very soon!

  5. Sounds familiar-- check out http://infertilityonthebrain.blogspot.com/