Monday, March 1, 2010

Ms. Anonymous

Dear Ms. Anonymous,

You don't have the whole picture... so let me clarify some things for you:

They were never married- my husbands beautiful daughter was a fling from high school, so there was no divorce.

No, I'm not taking this out on her because I can't have a baby... this behavior from her started LONG before we decided that we were going to stop trying and move onto adoption- which if you have read my blog for any amount of time you understand that adoption was something I ALWAYS wanted to do... because I'm adopted, weather we had our own children or not.

I understand that children act out (I was one of them... my Mom can testify!)  However, our biggest point in all of this is that there are consequences for your actions....

When we ask her what is the matter, she will tell us one thing, and 2 hours later go home and tell her mother another thing, and the next day tell the school counselor something completely different!  That is a major part of the issues. The flip-flopping.

It's not just ME who thinks that this behavior is unacceptable, her father (who doesn't think there is a need for her to come over at all while he is gone with all the issues), and HER MOTHER and I are on the same page... we all agree, there is no fighting amongst us parents.  Most people have a love hate relationship with their ex- however, ours is pleasantly mellow.  We (me, her dad, her mom, and her step dad) are a united front (or we try very very hard to be). 

And lastly, if you haven't noticed, that's what a blog is... Filled with issues... I can promise you, my neighbor doesn't know when we have sex, but everyone on here knows about 'date night'that is timed to the half hour because of a trigger shot. Some of my husbands extended family didn't know about our pregnancies and losses except for this blog.  And that's ok.  I don't really have anything to hid, like I said, I'd happily share this with those around me. 

I allowed Anonymous comments so that my friends and family that weren't bloggers could post comments.  However, if you are friends and family posting these- freaking man up and send them to me in an e-mail or call me!  If you have issues, or any advice you'd like to share, then share it, but share it with me in conversation, not hiding behind anonymous comments...   or if you so choose, email me at lovemarriagecarriage (at) gmail (dot) com.

And, since this is my blog and I can do what I want... if you are anonymous, 'No comments for you!"  (said int he 'no soup for you' tone off Seinfeld!). 


  1. People who post anonymously are cowards. I had one leave a snarky comment once and changed my settings right then and there!

  2. Good for you. Anonymous know it alls SUCK! you are awesome, your blog is awesome and I admire your strength, honesty and perseverence with all that you deal with!

  3. Dear Jenn! I am so sorry you received such ignorant and insensitive comments on your blog by one or more anonymouses!

    Sorry I am just catching up here, but as a stepmom myself I think you are being more than reasonable and patient in this situation. I don't blame you for feeling betrayed, and I'll be that K's guess about your stepdaughter's motive for her behavious is not "ridiculous" at all, but right on! I am not sure I trust this counsellor completely, because I think it would make most sense to talk to the little girl without her parents present at all, if possible, or at least with just you, so this can be sorted out. I'll bet she does love spending time with you and that she does feel like she is somehow betraying her bio mom by doing so...her bio mom may be able to help with this by telling her she wants her to enjoy her time with you and that there can be room in her heart for 2 mommies. We had a similar situation when The Teenager was aroun 5 or 6 - he started to seem agitated when he was with us and saying he wanted to go to his other house - it turned out that his bio mom was unwittingly creating a codependence with him by making a big fuss about how much she would miss him when he wasn't there. Once we got to the bottom of it, she stopped doing it and he could relax.

    Sorry for the long post, but I just want you to know I am here for you and I understand and I support you. And I want "Anonymous" to know that they're totally clueless about blended families.


  4. I admire you for finding a place to vent and be so honest about your emotions. I don't think that anonymous may really understand what it's like to be in the SM shoes.

  5. Dear Anonymous,

    You suck and are a coward. Go away.

    (Jen: I am sorry you had to deal with such insensitive comments. We all know how hard you're trying to help your step-daughter and clearly you are working together with both your husband and her mother. Honestly, you have so much patience with this that it really impresses me. I hope Anonymous didn't upset you too much.)

  6. Yeesh those were some hurtful comments. It sounds like you took it well though - good response!

    I bet being a step-mother is very challenging. You sound like you are doing a good job and if all the parents are on the same page that is a wonderful thing! I bet you and your step-daughter will have a great relationship someday :)

  7. I think when someone makes bold anonymous comments like that they are probably feeling pretty crappy about their lives. I have gotten my share of those comments, the best way to deal with it is to ban anonymous comments, like you have. Try not to give more energy towards this than you should, honestly its not worth it. :)

  8. Way to stand up for yourself, Jenn!

    Blogs are a useful tool to vent, get advice, and just generally feel like part of a community. When anonymous people take it upon themselves to judge and ridicule someone's personal blog, they are just being rude and cowardly.

    This blog is your opportunity to say what you really feel, whether it's something you'd say in real life or not.

    Don't let the haters take that away from you.

    Your handling of this situation with your step-daughter seems completely mature and respectful. If you want to vent about the frustrations it entails, you are completely justified in doing so.

  9. I so know how you feel girl! My step-son is 8 years old and I am scared to death of when he gets the smarts to play both sides! Hopefully since I've had him since he was 2 1/2 things will go okay. SO anyways I had to make up an acct. so I didn't post Anonymous anymore since someone used my "secret" code to you. Ughhh *HUGS* and if you ever need to talk call me!