Recalculating

I feel like sometimes, my best made plans come undone.

And then I have to recalculate....




So today, in a word, is re-cal-cu-lat-ing...

My garden

This is the start to my garden, all the paperwork from todays class!

Gardening?

Travis is sick.

I reminded him that I've been coughing for 13 weeks.  I don't have much sympathy for his overall condition, though I feel bad for him.

I appreciated that even though he was sick, he still came with me to a local nursery for a raised bed gardening seminar.

We I am really excited to do it this summer, and he's mostly just along for the ride....

I've already started sketching my plans, and googled the shit out of  any terms that could be related to raised bed gardening.  I've found several great sites, and have modified my initial thoughts.

We have a fairly large back yard, so I'm thinking of doing a 'vegteable bed' that is 4' x 16', and a 'fruit/herb bed' that will be 4' x 8'. 
If any of you have any great ideas, or tips, or tricks... please, pass them on!


Growing up we always had a garden, and we HATED 'weed duty'.  My brother and I each had to weed for 1/2 an hour during the summer... something about making us 'enjoy the outdoors' or something.  I would beg, plead, bargain, and trade everyone else chores to get out of it.  My Mom eventually laughed, because I was doing 1-2 hours worth of chores inside to get out of the 1/2 hour outside.  Ya.  That was me.  The girl who hated outside.  Really, not much has changed, but I've got some more gusto for outdoor activities when it's related to our house... I've built a fence, I've cleaned mortar off bricks, I've mowed the grass.  So, I'm thinking this will be the same type of thing... I'll have more ownership.  Maybe?

I attempted it once before in our last house.  It was the summer my husband deployed, so I thought it would give me something to do.  We build our fence 8 feet shy of our lot line, because all the utilities ran the lot line, and we would have had to hand dig every hole... I did the garden on the other side of the fence, and it turned into one of those 'out of sight- out of mind' things.  I got a few puny tomatoes, and a squash.  Overall, not a successful endeavor. 


(sidenote- a commercial for Bambi just came on, and Trav asked if his Mom got hit by a car.... "no honey, shot by a hunter"... "meh- same thing" he says?!?)

So, for now, this is the picture of my garden... all the info they gave us today!

So, in a word, today was all about gardening  (or hopeful gardening?)

Owiecrapballs!

Ok, that's not the exact phrase I've said every time I move for the last four hours, but close...

I should have known better.

It's not like I'm new at this...

But holy shit! This hurts!

Back story- our city has a 'daily deal' that usually is 50% off some good or service that is locally.  Well, on Tuesday, it was for a tanning station.

Ya... you can see where this is going...

I've tanned since I was 16 (my Mom had to go sign the release), so I know how it goes.

But I haven't for the last two years- and apparently forgot everything.

It was a cheep deal, $15.00 for an unlimited month of tanning.  Of course though, it was the level one beds, nothing fancy... whatever, I just want to get my 'base tan', so I'm more ready for the summer... and it helps hide my hideous scars all over my left knee (5 knee surgerys...). 

So, Wednesday, 10 minuets.  Totally ok.  Thursday 12 minuets.  Totally ok.  Friday 12 minuets. Owiecrapballs!

So yes, I'm dumb, I'm in pain, and I'm drinking wine.

(by the way... the girl today, seriously, was doing the 'hard sale' for getting me to join for 3 more months, and then buying lotion.  I get that it's her job, but when I have to say "look, I really just want to tan, thanks though", your pushing to hard!)

And I'm laying next to my sick husband, and enjoying the second hour of Daniel Tosh... Tosh.0, and now his comedy central special.  Totally inappropriate, but we laugh.  I like his show so much better now that he doesn't do the throwing up on each one... that was just gross.

So, today, in a word, is sun-burnt!

Laughter

My best friend got her husband and her tickets to one of thier favorite singers for their Anniversary back in January.  Tonight was the concert, so her Mom and I watched the three little knuckleheads.

She has a little boy who is 2 1/2, and twin little girls that are 18 months.  They have almost completed the process to adopt them out of foster care.  Those kids are the light of my life.  If you've followed my blog for anytime, you've seen several projects that have been made for them.  We have become Aunt Jenn and Uncle Trav, and we LOVE that.

Tonight Trav had to work late, so her Mom came over and helped me with the kids.  We had pancakes for dinner... talk about a STICK MESS!  It was so fun watching them play with the syrup.... shhh... don't tell their Mom!

After we got dinner done, we both sat on the floor, and had a blast with them.  We wrestled, and played tickle spider, and clapping alligator.  (yes, the last two I made up, but let me tell you, they love them some 'clapping alligator'... that claps all the way to 'get' them...hey- don't judge, it works!)

The three of them were laughing so much.  It was so great.  I can't imagine anything better then little one's laughing...

So tonight, in a word, was laughter

Purging

Today, where I'm subbing, it's nice.  Kinda boring, but I can take a day like this.  Students who have 3-10 day suspension have the opportunity to come to this program, get work from their home schools, and receive credit for it.  If they don't come here, then they won't get any credit. 

So it's like babysitting.  Very similar to ISS.

I have two students. 

So I've been purging my email.  I had over 2900 messages in one account, (and another 1500 in my 'sent' box.  Apparently, when I had my Black.berry when I worked for my parents, all the emails I sent off of that stayed in the sent folder... and, 80% of them were from the summer Travis was deployed.  We treated e-mail like instant messaging... It was kinda fun reading them, remembering conversations, and the messages that would count down how many days until he came home....)
My other account had only about 900, but I use it specifically for an event I'm part of, so the traffic through that one was much less.

Too bad I can't do more purging in other areas of my life...

Today, in a word, purging.

In a Word

NaBloPoMo.

I did it for two months, November and December of last year.  And then my world fell apart, and I fell of the face of the world.

To get back in the grove of things, I"m going to try it again for March.  The theme for NaBloPoMo this month is "In a Word". 

I'm not sure how this will turn out, but i figured I'd develop 'my take' on it within the first week.


On a completely unrelated topic, I have the best readers ever.  You're comments on my "Discussions" post were amazing. You were so insightful, honest, loving, and compassionate.  But most importantly... you made me feel less alone in the way I was feeling.

I find that IF segregates you.  People know our story, or the basics of it.  But not many know how lonesome it makes me. 

I know lots of people with successful, wonderful adoptions. 
But no one that has experienced a failed match.

I know several people who have miscarried.
But no one that has miscarried six times.

Those are two huge parts to our story, and I don't know anyone else with a story like ours. 

The only other person who has my story, is my husband.  Together, we often go alone to our thoughts and longing to have a family.  No one else understands it completely.  No one knows why we continued with treatments until we all the sudden yelled 'Enough!", and quit suddenly.  No one knows how instantly we loved that little boy, and how our heart hurt.  Because how do you explain that to someone?  You can't.  So, he and I wrestle with these emotions.  Alone.

In a word, today I feel ALONE.