Noah Biorkman is a 5yr old boy who is in his last stages of neuroblastoma cancer after a 2 1/2 year battle. His family is celebrating Christmas next week and all he wants are xmas cards. Let's try and see how many we can get to him from all over the world please. His address is 1141 Fountain View Circle, South Lyon, MI 48178.
I found it on Snoops, it's true... Let him have a great Christmas, as it is quite possably his last.
I'm adopted, he's in the Air Force, and all we really want is family. After 8 miscarriages, and one failed adoption, this blog is a journal through infertility, adoption, and now parenthood, now that Isaac has filled our baby carriage, and it's about to be filled again with a surprise, successful (so far) pregnancy! It's sometimes blunt, sometimes improper, but always real. This is our story.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Isaac
For as long as I can remember, Travis has always said that he wants his first son to be names Isaac. And the middle name will be William (like all the guys in his family, Roger William, Gregory William, Travis William...). So, weather or not I like it *which I do*, I know that I have been overridden by his family history. There aren't many things in our life that he says 'this is how it will be' but these are one of those things (the other thing is no purple walls....) So, fine, our first boy will be Isaac William, and our first girl will be Anastasia Kate. That is if we actually ever *do* have a child!
Have you ever had a time that you have watched a movie, heard a song, or listened to a story, and no matter if you have heard it 100 times, for some reason, that one time, you heard something that changed your whole perspective?
That happened to me at church today. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the story of Abram and Sarai, however, after today, and Pastor Eddie's teachings, I will forever be changed by it. So back to the story- She was promised that her husband would be the "father of nations". After being baron for many many years, she was joyful. However, ten years went by, and still no children. God reminded Abram of his promise and showed him the stars in the sky saying that his descendants would be more then those. By this time, Sarai realized at her 'advanced' age, she probably wasn't going to ever give Abram the child that was promised, she figured she would 'help' Gods plan by letting her maid servant Hagar get pregnant with his child. It happened, and she begot (don't you love that word) Ishmael. Pastor Eddie said it perfectly "When we step out of faith, we complicate His plan".
God then reminded Abram of the plan He had made, clarifying that 'I will bless her, and give you a son by HER... kings of peoples shall be from her". He even went so far a to have her change her name to Sarah, which in Hebrew means noble woman, mother of nations. Abram then questions Him because they have tried, and hoped, for so long, if they, who were 100 and 90 really going to have children. The Lord then tells him, "no, Sarah your wife, will bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac"
It was then, that the tears started poring, so much that this evening, now that I look at the note I quickly wrote to Travis I can hardly read it. How have I never realized the correlation? I guess not going through infertility, this story wouldn't really have hit me the way it did. The name of the child that the Lord promised Sarah was Isaac. That has been the only male name EVER discussed in our house. I can only hope that God will give us our little Isaac, the same way He gave it to another woman that was so desperate for a child.
For the rest of service, my emotions were on the fringe, and then, so simply, Pastor Eddie ended with Genesis 18:14, "Is anything to hard for the Lord?" He then had us turn to the person next to us, and ask them, "is anything to hard for the Lord?". Travis was the only one who asked, because I couldn't speak.
So, yes, the Lord can help us have a baby, the only way to have the baby, and if that is not His plan, I know that He will reveal his plan to us, when it 'works for Him'. Now, to only be patient until that time comes! That's the tough part! :)
Have you ever had a time that you have watched a movie, heard a song, or listened to a story, and no matter if you have heard it 100 times, for some reason, that one time, you heard something that changed your whole perspective?
That happened to me at church today. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the story of Abram and Sarai, however, after today, and Pastor Eddie's teachings, I will forever be changed by it. So back to the story- She was promised that her husband would be the "father of nations". After being baron for many many years, she was joyful. However, ten years went by, and still no children. God reminded Abram of his promise and showed him the stars in the sky saying that his descendants would be more then those. By this time, Sarai realized at her 'advanced' age, she probably wasn't going to ever give Abram the child that was promised, she figured she would 'help' Gods plan by letting her maid servant Hagar get pregnant with his child. It happened, and she begot (don't you love that word) Ishmael. Pastor Eddie said it perfectly "When we step out of faith, we complicate His plan".
God then reminded Abram of the plan He had made, clarifying that 'I will bless her, and give you a son by HER... kings of peoples shall be from her". He even went so far a to have her change her name to Sarah, which in Hebrew means noble woman, mother of nations. Abram then questions Him because they have tried, and hoped, for so long, if they, who were 100 and 90 really going to have children. The Lord then tells him, "no, Sarah your wife, will bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac"
It was then, that the tears started poring, so much that this evening, now that I look at the note I quickly wrote to Travis I can hardly read it. How have I never realized the correlation? I guess not going through infertility, this story wouldn't really have hit me the way it did. The name of the child that the Lord promised Sarah was Isaac. That has been the only male name EVER discussed in our house. I can only hope that God will give us our little Isaac, the same way He gave it to another woman that was so desperate for a child.
For the rest of service, my emotions were on the fringe, and then, so simply, Pastor Eddie ended with Genesis 18:14, "Is anything to hard for the Lord?" He then had us turn to the person next to us, and ask them, "is anything to hard for the Lord?". Travis was the only one who asked, because I couldn't speak.
So, yes, the Lord can help us have a baby, the only way to have the baby, and if that is not His plan, I know that He will reveal his plan to us, when it 'works for Him'. Now, to only be patient until that time comes! That's the tough part! :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Amazing Day!
So on Friday, besides paying off my student loan, I spent the majority of the day like this.... is this not heaven?!? The only thing that could have made it closer to heaven is if I could claim this little one as my own! My amazing neighbors are foster parents. They have a 13month old little boy, and his twin sisters, who are 5 weeks old (well, really today was their 'due date', they were five weeks early). My neighbor is great about letting me come over and cuddle, watch, hold, etc these little ones. You would think that it would bother me, but really, I enjoy it so much. I helped her with the noon feeding, diapers and back to sleep activities (in our arms... how can you put these cuddle bugs down!). We then turned on "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past". Then it was about time for their 4 o'clock feeding, and then getting them dressed up in their 'going out' outfits. I enjoyed it, and we laughed a lot (sometimes at the move, or each other, or at the sounds the girls were making...).
I could not have planned a better Friday (though I'm sure my parent's would have preferred I was actually working for them ALL day, not just in the morning!). A good friend, two cuddle bugs, funny movie. Bliss!
And, even though it was totally contradictory to our 'getting out of debt' idea, we went out to celebrate! We had amazing Italian food, mmm, just finished mine off for dinner tonight! Though we did have a $25.00 gift card we were meaning to spend, so I guess it wasn't that much of a splurge! :) However, we then went to Wal.mart to return the movie at a Red.box, and then on a spur of the moment decided to put up Christmas lights on our new home... and buy candy cane milk (I swear! Though I'm not brave enough to try it yet!). Can I just say, how is it possible to have THAT many pregnant women in ONE Wal.mart at 9:30pm on a Friday night!?! Seriously, there were like 9 in our half our visit. I just have to keep thinking, someday that will hopefully be me!
Friday, November 6, 2009
HASTA!
"See you later, I don't ever want to talk to you all again, I don't want you to mail me anything, unless of course its my pay off letter, you can close me out!"
That was the conversation I had with my student loan company. I am freaking THRILLED today. Today, we paid off the last of my student loans (in just under FIVE years, how horrible is that...) Oh well, all that matters is their DONE! GONE, OUTTA HERE!
Thank you Dave Ramsey! (and our parents, who supported us, encouraged us, and even helped us a little!)
I never thought I would be this excited to write a check (ok I gave it to them over the phone... but still) for just under $3,000.
We had decided about a year ago that this HAD to be paid off by the time we had a child. Period. Done. No if, and's or but's! I guess the jokes is on us, I'm not even pregnant and it's paid off! Now... we throw most of our extra money at Travis' truck...
Saw this a while ago, and wanted to save it for the day that I could say besides our house and his truck, have no other debt! Now to look forward to the day that I say, besides our house, we have no more debt.
That was the conversation I had with my student loan company. I am freaking THRILLED today. Today, we paid off the last of my student loans (in just under FIVE years, how horrible is that...) Oh well, all that matters is their DONE! GONE, OUTTA HERE!
Thank you Dave Ramsey! (and our parents, who supported us, encouraged us, and even helped us a little!)
I never thought I would be this excited to write a check (ok I gave it to them over the phone... but still) for just under $3,000.
We had decided about a year ago that this HAD to be paid off by the time we had a child. Period. Done. No if, and's or but's! I guess the jokes is on us, I'm not even pregnant and it's paid off! Now... we throw most of our extra money at Travis' truck...
Saw this a while ago, and wanted to save it for the day that I could say besides our house and his truck, have no other debt! Now to look forward to the day that I say, besides our house, we have no more debt.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Fan-tastic Thursday
I'm not sure what happened today, all the stars aligned, (or we all doused ourselves in enough *baby dust* that finally the luck rubbed off), but the baby gods smiled down, not just on me, but on two of my closest IF friends.
Though we all are going in COMPLEATLY different directions, we are strongly united because we have all been traveling down the crappy road of infertility. I can honestly say, my personal journey would be 100 times more difficult, had it not been for these two AMAZING women. If you aren't followers of them, you honestly don't know what you are missing. They encourage me, comfort me, and cry with me, no matter what is going on in my life.
Jess and her husband have decided to foster to adopt. This has been a tough decision, but her heart aches so much to be a mother, that they are willing to take the risk of being heartbroken. She stated it perfectly that by not having any children in their home now, they are heartbroken, so why not have joy in giving love to a child who desperately needs it. I know that God has amazing plans for them.
Jenicini has been blessed in another completely different way. She has recently been tossing around the idea of using donor eggs, from a lovely lady, 'Fairy Eggs'. On top of that fantastic news, she also learned today that she will be receiving her IVF cycle hugely discounted! (double bonus!!!). Because of a connection with a great RE where she grew up, all she will have to pay for is the drugs (which we all know is no little amount...) and the anesthesia. Amazing. I am truly so happy for her and I can't wait until we get together to really celebrate! When I found out about it, one song ran through my head, "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it..." but sadly those are the only words I know to it, so I have been humming those few lines for the better part of the day.
As for me, we had a great doctors appointment. Sadly, Trav was unable to come to it.
*Dr. S saw my note book where I have been keeping track of all the many appointments. I was at the bottom of the page, and had four or five questions, which were for my 'current appointment'. He looked down at the page and got a worried, I could see it on his face. I quickly eased his mind by saying he was only responsible for answer the last few lines. His response was "Whew!"
*Have I said lately how much I appreciate my 'hero doctor' Dr. S. He and his staff are truly amazing. Period. This journey would not be happening if it were not them....
*As far as the MTHFR is concerned, I'm homozygous for the A1298C mutation
*My folic acid has been changed to Foltx- a prescription of folic acid, B6 and B12
*My US showed a 'wonky follicle' at 17mm, if I was a normal PCOS patient, they would just ignore it, but since I successful got pregnant, on my own, four times.... they were afraid that I had actually ovulated. They pulled blood, and if my progesterone is high, then I need to wait about 10 more days, POAS, and find out if 'it happened' on it's own.... if low progesterone, then I start Provera and look forward to CD1!!!
*When CD1 happens, I will begin a round of 6 shots of FSH, along with starting Lovenox
*My doctor is very positive, and since we are at least 'doing something'... Travis and I are slightly hopeful that this time might end with a baby in the end, instead of heartbreak.
*We have already started jumping through the hoops for the FSH shots. I have a few left over from last cycle, but since it's such a huge deal to get them, we've started the process now, so our back's aren't against the wall. Wal.greens has to submit the prescription, which then my insurance will quickly deny. Dr.S's nurse then has to call to confirm that this is a 'natural' cycle, with no ART (they will pay for ALL the drugs if we do things 'naturally', but nada if we are doing anything with ART), then Wal.Greens has to RE-SUBMIT the prescription, which will then be approved.... but we are still just at the beginning of the process! HA! They can't fill it themselves, so they have to have a specialty pharmacy send in the drugs.... ya, it's frustrating, but we almost have this down to a science.
Also, my *favorite* OC ladies are back on tonight! Yea for Real Housewives... they are my hour long escape into a world that has more drama then mine, which helps me forget my up and down life for a while...
So.... what great things happened to you this Thursday?
Though we all are going in COMPLEATLY different directions, we are strongly united because we have all been traveling down the crappy road of infertility. I can honestly say, my personal journey would be 100 times more difficult, had it not been for these two AMAZING women. If you aren't followers of them, you honestly don't know what you are missing. They encourage me, comfort me, and cry with me, no matter what is going on in my life.
Jess and her husband have decided to foster to adopt. This has been a tough decision, but her heart aches so much to be a mother, that they are willing to take the risk of being heartbroken. She stated it perfectly that by not having any children in their home now, they are heartbroken, so why not have joy in giving love to a child who desperately needs it. I know that God has amazing plans for them.
Jenicini has been blessed in another completely different way. She has recently been tossing around the idea of using donor eggs, from a lovely lady, 'Fairy Eggs'. On top of that fantastic news, she also learned today that she will be receiving her IVF cycle hugely discounted! (double bonus!!!). Because of a connection with a great RE where she grew up, all she will have to pay for is the drugs (which we all know is no little amount...) and the anesthesia. Amazing. I am truly so happy for her and I can't wait until we get together to really celebrate! When I found out about it, one song ran through my head, "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it..." but sadly those are the only words I know to it, so I have been humming those few lines for the better part of the day.
As for me, we had a great doctors appointment. Sadly, Trav was unable to come to it.
*Dr. S saw my note book where I have been keeping track of all the many appointments. I was at the bottom of the page, and had four or five questions, which were for my 'current appointment'. He looked down at the page and got a worried, I could see it on his face. I quickly eased his mind by saying he was only responsible for answer the last few lines. His response was "Whew!"
*Have I said lately how much I appreciate my 'hero doctor' Dr. S. He and his staff are truly amazing. Period. This journey would not be happening if it were not them....
*As far as the MTHFR is concerned, I'm homozygous for the A1298C mutation
*My folic acid has been changed to Foltx- a prescription of folic acid, B6 and B12
*My US showed a 'wonky follicle' at 17mm, if I was a normal PCOS patient, they would just ignore it, but since I successful got pregnant, on my own, four times.... they were afraid that I had actually ovulated. They pulled blood, and if my progesterone is high, then I need to wait about 10 more days, POAS, and find out if 'it happened' on it's own.... if low progesterone, then I start Provera and look forward to CD1!!!
*When CD1 happens, I will begin a round of 6 shots of FSH, along with starting Lovenox
*My doctor is very positive, and since we are at least 'doing something'... Travis and I are slightly hopeful that this time might end with a baby in the end, instead of heartbreak.
*We have already started jumping through the hoops for the FSH shots. I have a few left over from last cycle, but since it's such a huge deal to get them, we've started the process now, so our back's aren't against the wall. Wal.greens has to submit the prescription, which then my insurance will quickly deny. Dr.S's nurse then has to call to confirm that this is a 'natural' cycle, with no ART (they will pay for ALL the drugs if we do things 'naturally', but nada if we are doing anything with ART), then Wal.Greens has to RE-SUBMIT the prescription, which will then be approved.... but we are still just at the beginning of the process! HA! They can't fill it themselves, so they have to have a specialty pharmacy send in the drugs.... ya, it's frustrating, but we almost have this down to a science.
Also, my *favorite* OC ladies are back on tonight! Yea for Real Housewives... they are my hour long escape into a world that has more drama then mine, which helps me forget my up and down life for a while...
So.... what great things happened to you this Thursday?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
K-W-L
Ever the teacher in me.... here is my very own MTHFR K-W-L chart!!
What I Know:
*Last Friday I was told that I am positive for two copies of the MTHFR gene
*I also have low levels of protein C antigen
*I'm hopeful that we may finally have a reason that we have five children in heaven, and none in my arms
*I have had a blood transfusion...of several units... dose that matter? (It's all dealing with blood... maybe? but I think it's mostly genetic)
*I also am A-, and Trav is A+.... (again, not sure if it is relevant)
*I never thought that I would be so excited to find out I had a clotting disorder. I still laugh when friends 'congratulate' me on it
*I'm scared/worried/interested because there is SO MUCH diversity in treatment that I have found online (mostly through blogs or different TTC message board threads)
What I Want to Know:
*Which two? C677T or A1298C? And does it matter? (I read somewhere that the C677T was more severe)
*What are my homocysteine levels, and do they matter?
*What does the combo of MTHFR and Protein C antigen deficiency affect future pregnancies
*What is common treatment, taking into consideration that I've had 5 losses?
*When do I start treatment? Some people start the day they ovulate, some wait until a BFP
*How will I be monitored?
*Will my PCOS diagnosis play into the decision? Do they even affect one another, since one is mostly relevant before pregnancy, and one is more relevant after?
*Should I tell my birth mother to get tested (since she obviously has at least one copy of the gene...) or have her girls (my half sisters) get tested?
*Should I go see a hematologist, or perinatologist?
*What are my next steps?
*Can we try to get pregnant again right away? I am going to have a 'forced' cycle off in late February though early April (damn you Air Force NCO Academy...) and want to take advantage of our time now.
What I Learned:
ummm... besides a bunch of stuff from Dr. Google, so far, not much... I will update on Thursday after my appointment.
If anyone has any other questions that I should ask on Thursday? I know that it is going to be the longest Wednesday of my life... luckily I'm subbing all day, so hopefully it will go a bit faster.... I hope.
What I Know:
*Last Friday I was told that I am positive for two copies of the MTHFR gene
*I also have low levels of protein C antigen
*I'm hopeful that we may finally have a reason that we have five children in heaven, and none in my arms
*I have had a blood transfusion...of several units... dose that matter? (It's all dealing with blood... maybe? but I think it's mostly genetic)
*I also am A-, and Trav is A+.... (again, not sure if it is relevant)
*I never thought that I would be so excited to find out I had a clotting disorder. I still laugh when friends 'congratulate' me on it
*I'm scared/worried/interested because there is SO MUCH diversity in treatment that I have found online (mostly through blogs or different TTC message board threads)
What I Want to Know:
*Which two? C677T or A1298C? And does it matter? (I read somewhere that the C677T was more severe)
*What are my homocysteine levels, and do they matter?
*What does the combo of MTHFR and Protein C antigen deficiency affect future pregnancies
*What is common treatment, taking into consideration that I've had 5 losses?
*When do I start treatment? Some people start the day they ovulate, some wait until a BFP
*How will I be monitored?
*Will my PCOS diagnosis play into the decision? Do they even affect one another, since one is mostly relevant before pregnancy, and one is more relevant after?
*Should I tell my birth mother to get tested (since she obviously has at least one copy of the gene...) or have her girls (my half sisters) get tested?
*Should I go see a hematologist, or perinatologist?
*What are my next steps?
*Can we try to get pregnant again right away? I am going to have a 'forced' cycle off in late February though early April (damn you Air Force NCO Academy...) and want to take advantage of our time now.
What I Learned:
ummm... besides a bunch of stuff from Dr. Google, so far, not much... I will update on Thursday after my appointment.
If anyone has any other questions that I should ask on Thursday? I know that it is going to be the longest Wednesday of my life... luckily I'm subbing all day, so hopefully it will go a bit faster.... I hope.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Trav and Jenn plus Ten!
When I started this blog, it was mostly to keep friends and family caught up with what was going on with us, and our fertility struggle. I had been sending out mass e-mails, or updating through my facebook status, but then I thought that maybe not everyone cares about my reproductive health. By starting the blog, they can come and see what is going on if they care, but wouldn't keep people informed if they are 'grossed out' (or whatever).
However, at this point, I think that I have more readers that I don't know, then people that I know! I did do a facebook update when I found out about my clotting disorder, because I was so. freaking. excited. I put something like "Jennifer is happy because she has a clotting disorder! Update at (this website)!!!"
Several friends commented on our status, including Travis' best friend, saying, "Here comes Trav and Jenn plus TEN!"
I thought it was so funny, because Travis panicked a little when one night as I was watching Jon and Kate plus 8, I informed him Kate was diagnosed with PCOS too. I asked him what he would do if we ever had that many kids. He laughed nervously, because he said he wouldn't be able to divorce me, because he couldn't afford the child support, so he would just keep volunteering for overseas remotes!
So, thanks Matt, but the only way we will ever get to 'ten' in our house is if pets count, and if that's the case- I better go buy a half a dozen fish or something... I don't think I can do many more four legged creatures!
Another funny thing that happened this weekend, when I first saw Travis' Dad, I asked him if he had heard the news (I posted my facebook status the night before), and he said that the last thing he knew was that I had the blood test done, but not the results. I told him the great news and then got to thinking.... he reads my blog (Hi Papa Greg!)! As we were driving home that night, I told Trav, "I didn't realize your Dad read the blog". He literally laughed out loud, and said something to the effect "Oh, ya, it's not like its on the WORLD WIDE WEB for EVERYONE/ANYONE to read!"
I guess using logic, I know that anyone can read this... but its just weird that people I know are reading it.... I guess because I only have one blog I read that I actually KNOW the person behind it (and we just met a few days ago), so for me, I assume that my blog is mostly read by people that I don't know.
So, friends, if we know you and you're reading, let us know! I changed the comments, so you don't have to have a Blogger ID or Google account to stop by and say hello.
However, at this point, I think that I have more readers that I don't know, then people that I know! I did do a facebook update when I found out about my clotting disorder, because I was so. freaking. excited. I put something like "Jennifer is happy because she has a clotting disorder! Update at (this website)!!!"
Several friends commented on our status, including Travis' best friend, saying, "Here comes Trav and Jenn plus TEN!"
I thought it was so funny, because Travis panicked a little when one night as I was watching Jon and Kate plus 8, I informed him Kate was diagnosed with PCOS too. I asked him what he would do if we ever had that many kids. He laughed nervously, because he said he wouldn't be able to divorce me, because he couldn't afford the child support, so he would just keep volunteering for overseas remotes!
So, thanks Matt, but the only way we will ever get to 'ten' in our house is if pets count, and if that's the case- I better go buy a half a dozen fish or something... I don't think I can do many more four legged creatures!
Another funny thing that happened this weekend, when I first saw Travis' Dad, I asked him if he had heard the news (I posted my facebook status the night before), and he said that the last thing he knew was that I had the blood test done, but not the results. I told him the great news and then got to thinking.... he reads my blog (Hi Papa Greg!)! As we were driving home that night, I told Trav, "I didn't realize your Dad read the blog". He literally laughed out loud, and said something to the effect "Oh, ya, it's not like its on the WORLD WIDE WEB for EVERYONE/ANYONE to read!"
I guess using logic, I know that anyone can read this... but its just weird that people I know are reading it.... I guess because I only have one blog I read that I actually KNOW the person behind it (and we just met a few days ago), so for me, I assume that my blog is mostly read by people that I don't know.
So, friends, if we know you and you're reading, let us know! I changed the comments, so you don't have to have a Blogger ID or Google account to stop by and say hello.
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