Monday, November 21, 2011

Three Years

I remembered on the one year anniversary

I remembered on the second anniversary.

But, it's been three years today.  Three years since we lost our best hope.  Three years since we lost our Sea Monkey.  I wouldn't have remembered had I not seen my sister in laws post wishing her son a happy birthday.

One baby was born, one was lost.

Little did I know that this would not be the last loss, but it defiantly was the hardest.  We saw a heartbeat.  That's all you need, the risk goes down after that right?

Not for us.

I've not had another pregnancy get that far.  

Three years ago, we lost our Sea Monkey, but tonight I'm holding our son.

Does the pain go away...

Not really, it just sorta changes.

It's not all consuming anymore.  It hasn't preoccupied my day.

When I told my husband, he was like "Oh, wow".  

We've gone through so much since that day.  The day that 'officially' started our road down the infertility path because this pregnancy was the 2nd loss for us (but my 4th).

We've had 6 more losses together.  We've started our adoption journey.  We've had a failed match.

But now, as I look across the living room at my husband feeding Isaac, I know.  We have OUR son.

The son that has always been in the plans.

The child that was made for our family.


  1. Thanks for this post. I'm so glad that you are blogging again. It certainly helps to keep the rest of us going.

    Those dates will always sink our hearts a bit.

    So glad though, that things have come full circle in such an incredible way.

  2. The dates, the milestones, the anniversaries....they are hard to let go of. Honestly, I don't think you ever really do. Even 4 kids later, I still remember every single one.

    Even though we are blessed and so grateful for the child(ren) we do have, it still hurts on those special dates.

  3. Very touching post. Thank you for sharing.

  4. I'm sorry you've had to endure so much to finally hold "the child that was made for [y]our family." Thank you for sharing your journey.