So, I'm a little behind on Army Wives, and I've obviously missed a few episodes (and OnDemand only has so many available...)
I left off right as Pamela was getting re-married, and somewhere in the missed episodes the Burton's decided to adopt. The first five minuets it shows them sitting on the couch, doing a video 'profile'. A line that Joan said hit me hard.
"I can't believe the future of our family depends on weather or not we can impress a teenage girl."
Though I do feel like she's a bit off the target by limiting her statement to teenage girls, I think we all know that is a very limited viewpoint. In fact, I think it might be safe to say that a majority of birthmoms are out of high school.
That said, she did say something that hit home.... hard.
Our future family is based on the match book. And I was the one responsible for making the match book. So does that make me the one that will determine our future family? Trust me, I felt that full responsibility as I was doing it.
I used a digital scrapbook program that was very easy to use. Trav could see that I was starting to crack, so he would sit next to me for hours upon hours as I went through pictures, picked backgrounds, added embellishments and text. He helped me pick choices, between pictures, font, stuff like that.
I was so grateful, just to have him sit by me, take a few of the choices that had to be made off my plate, even if they were small ones.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that struggles with the profile book and feeling like you have to sell yourselves to prospective birth parents... and if I have any readers who are birth parents, I'd LOVE to here your perspective!
I'm adopted, he's in the Air Force, and all we really want is family. After 8 miscarriages, and one failed adoption, this blog is a journal through infertility, adoption, and now parenthood, now that Isaac has filled our baby carriage, and it's about to be filled again with a surprise, successful (so far) pregnancy! It's sometimes blunt, sometimes improper, but always real. This is our story.
We are in NZ, and have one more seminar day to go (Thurs), before we then have an assessment, at which point I guess we should have our profile at least underway. And it terrifies me! I am NOT photogenic AT ALL (and being 20kg overweight does not help), plus OLD (nearly 40), so I actually don't envision us being picked AT ALL ... arghhhhh! NZ has a very limited number of children available for adoption mostly due to a very generous welfare system (bitter much? Yes I am .... lol). We are also looking at the option of 'Home for Life' foster care, where we share guardianship with birth parents, but we 'raise' them. Final option is overseas adoption, which is a whole OTHER kettle of fish. ITS HARD! But I try to keep a few jokes about it. Oooops bit of a long comment. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteAs we're coming up to our one year mark, and having to update our home study, I've been agonizing whether or not to re-do our profile. Is there something I did wrong the first time? Are people seeing it and thinking "the wrong thing" about us? Or do I just leave it and continue to trust that we simply don't have a match yet because the child God has planned for our family isn't ready to come to our family yet? I struggle with your thoughts often. Not sure what to tell you other than..."I know how you feel."
ReplyDeleteWe soooo struggled with our profile book. Every freaking picture we debated do we look fun, do we look young, do we look old, do we look responsible, do we look like we are damaged goods after years of trying, do we look to eager, not eager enough, etc. It made me sick to my stomach at certain points because there is just so much riding on it. You are definitely not alone.
ReplyDeleteOverall I was really happy with the book, but many sleepless nights were had over putting it together.
Hey there! I've been following your blog for a few months and saw this post and feel like I should share my fav adoption site with you, although I'm sure you've read it: therhouse.com It covers a LOT of info and I've found it to be very helpful through my process in adoption.
ReplyDeleteWhen I got discouraged after a failed placement, my sweet mom reminded me "you only need one birthmom to choose you." That was comforting to me and maybe it is to you, too :) Pretty soon you will be holding your baby (celebrating his 1st bday like we just did) and think all those barren years (7 for us) were a blur! Hoping your wait time is short!!! Have a good night!
:)Kristi