We had our second home study visit yesterday. It actually went remarkably well. Way better then we had 'hyped' it up to be in our minds.
But then it happened.
The overwhelming, all consuming dread.
I'm not sure what triggered it (Satin as a friend suggested?), but it brought on a near anxiety attack.
We now just have to wait a bit for the report to get done, but we can start working on our profile book. I think maybe it's just being so close that is getting to be the issue.
I've done a lot of updating to our home. I've painted all the rooms, decorated them, 'themed' some of them even.... Though we have lived in four places together, this is our first 'home'. It's ours, together, we have made it our home, where we are happy, where memories have been made, where we have grown closer together as a couple.
But we have to include pictures of those rooms in our book. Along with the value of our home, and our combined income. When I was taking pictures of our bedroom (a room that prior to this I LOVED-dark color, bed that I made, fireplace, stick over the bed....), and then I uploaded them my computer. And cried. It seemed so empty, so plain. The pictures don't show the love that is in our house, the happy memories that have been made here. It made me think that maybe because those were our feelings, our memories, so my emotions made up for the 'lacking of' that was reality. It made me wonder if people who saw our house thought that too.... that it was plain, empty, needing more....
We have to sell ourselves to these birth families. And I hate feeling like we are on the bottom end of the mix. Everyone else that was in our adoption class at the agency were older then us. By at least 10 years. They all have been in their careers, have been able to 'build up' their lives. We make $60,000 a year, I know at least two other families make $100k +. We have a 4 bedroom, 2 bath home, but it only is appraised at $160,000, I overheard a husband quietly say (we were looking at profiles and realizing we had to put our annual income, house value, etc) "Why should we have to let the birth moms know our house is $600,000?" (What!?! was all I could think, that's huge....).
So- We're young, we're in love, we're at the beginning of our lives. We're almost debt free. We do all kinds of fun things, and we have amazing family that are so excited to share their love too.... but we haven't been married 18 years, and make a lot of money, and have a big house....
I guess time will tell, if our youth and excitement will beat out stability, age, and money.
I'm adopted, he's in the Air Force, and all we really want is family. After 8 miscarriages, and one failed adoption, this blog is a journal through infertility, adoption, and now parenthood, now that Isaac has filled our baby carriage, and it's about to be filled again with a surprise, successful (so far) pregnancy! It's sometimes blunt, sometimes improper, but always real. This is our story.
Aw, Jenn, I hate that it has to be a competition and that you have to take stock of your home and your life in this way. I love the pictures in your essay - you come across as loving and fun and amazing parents! The fact that you guys are debt-free is awesome - not many of us can say that. I agree with Mr. $600,000 - I don't see why these things are relevant. I'm glad your home study visit went well yesterday, and I am crossing my fingers for you that there's a birth mom out there who's wise enough to see how wonderful you are.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
I'm glad it went better than you expected! Jenn, the wealth of a couple doesn't mean as much as the love and desire of a couple. Your youth and situation will be in your favor to someone. You just have to have the right match.
ReplyDeleteKeep trying with the pictures of your house. I think the lighting plays a huge difference - try taking pictures at different times of the day with as much natural light as possible. The warmth of your house will come across!
I am glad your home visit went so well! And even though it may seem like money and a big house are an advantage, I really think a birthmom would be looking at your letter to get a sense of who you are. I think any mother would want to be certain that her child would be living in a warm, caring, enthusiastic environment. And just because you have money or a big house doesn't mean you have those things. Your match is out there, I just know it.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it went well. The meetings can be a bit nerve wracking, that's for sure. Just remember, although you do have to kind of "sell yourself" don't forget to just "be yourself"...I think that's just as important. We are in our early 30's and we don't have a big house or a lot of money - but we have a lot of love and that love shined through in our profile. Photos are more important than text. And, if you're not comfortable putting something in your profile, chose not to. It's okay - it's yours! Our birthmom even said that. Let me know if you need a sounding board - been there, done that! Take care and good luck!
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