Tuesday, November 30, 2010
We knew the BM was meeting with the BF yesterday afternoon and they would make a decision together. I texted about 5pm, and asked since she she knew both of them, if she had any idea how quick they might make a decision, and if she couldn't tell us, then I understood, we were both just a little nerve racked.
She was doing things that evening, so about 5 hours later she responded that she "knew the wait was excruciating, but she doesn't have the prerogative to share anything. The domestic supervisor will contact you tomorrow but let me encourage you to rest int he knowledge that all with be as God has planned, and His plans are always good! Love to you both"
I responded that I understood... and I'm grateful for having such a godly husband who reminds me of that when I forget. Another friend told me that God will teach me patience one way or another.
Her last text last night read "LOL He's right. God is simply saying "Trust me Jennifer" Good Night. I'm sure we'll talk tomorrow".
Tomorrow? Why would we talk tomorrow?!? I tried to wake Travis up, but he was to out of it to make a difference. I read him the conversation and he said it didn't seem cryptic to him, and I couldn't read into it.
I'm subbing at a school that I was at the first nine weeks (and had to take days off for home studies and doctors appointments). I told my principal I would have my phone on, and would be answering phone calls.
Travis called me about 9:45, and all he said was "It's your fault".
I had instant panic that we had been kicked out of the program or something because I texted the case worker.... fear struck me.
He then said "It's your fault we'll have a baby in a month. Because you are adopted, and a Green Bay Packer fan. The birth mom's mother is a Packers fan too. Because of you we will be bringing home a little boy in January."
Seriously tears. All the kids looked at me, and the student teacher quickly explained that they were happy tears. I excused myself and stepped outside the classroom where he told me more things, but I honestly don't remember much.
A baby boy.
Is matched with us.
Could it be? Really?
And the tears have kept flowing!
Monday, November 29, 2010
When the agency told us that the birth mom had 5 days, I assumed that meant they gave all birth mom's five days to make their decision. No. What it meant was that the earliest the birth mom would be able to contact them would be 5 days because of the holiday.
We had been viewing today as do or die. We would know, one way or the other.
If we were picked, it was a phone call. If we weren't picked, and e-mail.
Talk about anxiety (yes, xanax has been my best friend for the last few days!). I woke up when Travis left this morning, and couldn't go back to sleep...
The knot in my chest just got tighter and tighter. At 11 a dear friend of mine forced me to leave. We went to Target, because I needed to return something, and she needed to get a few things. I couldn't take it anymore, so about 1/2 way through the store, I borrowed her phone, and checked my email. I had one from the agency director, but it was about a question.
The birth mom wanted to know how likely it was that Trav would deploy now, or in the future. I called the agency, but she was out to lunch so I told her what I knew.
As a recruiter, he won't deploy at all, so he'll be home for at least another 2 1/2 years. If he stays in recruiting for the rest of his career (either at the squadron level or MEPS), he'll be home forever. His old job isn't highly deployable, and in the 11 years he's been in, he went to Korea for 32 days, and Kyrgyzstan for 4 months.
I figured if the Birthmom is asking questions, at least we are still in the running.
She was meeting with the Birthdad this afternoon.
Who knows how long they will take to decide.
Until then, I'll be popping xanax and trying to stay busy.
God is determined to teach me paitence, one way or antother....
Sunday, November 28, 2010
We stayed a bit longer then everyone else, (we didn't have kids to get into bed- I guess a bonus to being childless!), and were able to ride several roller coasters with no wait at all.
Spending the afternoon with everyone, and the evening with my honey was a nice distraction.
In less then twenty four hours, we will know if we were picked by the birth mom.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day... at least until the call (which is good), or the email (saying we weren't picked).
I hope my phone rings tomorrow....
Saturday, November 27, 2010
We will know if it was God's plan for this child to come to our family, or to go to another.
We've been watching every penny.
We've not put any Christmas decorations up (we would have a newborn right after the holidays, I'm not going to want to take all that stuff down).
We've mostly planned to go to New Mexico to spend Christmas with my parents. We swap between Trav's parents and mine every year, and this year we go back there. But she's due January 1st, and this is her third child.... is she really going to make it to her due date, and do we want to be 12 hours away when she goes into labor.
We've (really I mean I) have been able to push a lot of this to the back of my mind because we've been SO busy with everyone in town. Really, it was great to have them, but now our house is quite.
We are quiet.
Both absorbed in our thoughts.
The next two days will be long. I don't have a sub assignment on Monday, and I'm almost thinking I'm not going to take one. They will be calling the parents she wants to be matched with on Monday, and e-mailing the other two that they weren't chosen.
Then I can spend Monday glowing with my husband, or unpacking my Christmas decorations...
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
my day SO did not go as planned...
however, I was surrounded by good friends that dropped in all day... so it's totally ok (in my mind- Travis' not so sure that he likes the house in this state)
First a friend who I worked with last year, who is also an adoptive mom, I saw just how un-baby proofed my house was.... but it was fun to have her little one around!
Literally, as she left, I threw on shoes to go with my friend to have Thanksgiving dinner at her kid's daycare... I'm Aunt Jenn, how could I say no!
Trav got home within a 1/2 hour of me getting back from that, and him just hovering almost put me into melt down, so I gave him a list (self admittingly- a bit longer then it 'had' to be, some stuff could have done in the next few days... but more then anything I needed him out of my hair so I could get some cleaning done...)
My friend/pet sitter/ honorary vet came over to look at kittys paws. They have all healed nicely, except for 1. It's nasty... she came and cleaned it, peroxided it, and super glued it.... all while the kitty literally screamed....ugh it was a long 10 minutes! We caught up for a while (while I folded laundry), and then a mutual friend stopped by as she was leaving.
She is so sweet, she brought me some green chile (she knows I miss it from home). She got it at whole foods last time she went up to the city... can't wait to try it! :) She also brought me four padded chairs from the hotel that she's at, so now everyone will be able to sit at our Thanksgiving table! (yea!)
As she was leaving, I walked out with her, and my neighbor (the one I went to Thanksgiving dinner with the kids), pulled in but just with one baby. She came over and I introduced those two, and we got to talking.
While the three of us (and the baby) were talking, my parents pulled up.
Crap- I hadn't done anything all day but bake pumpkin bread, and fold laundry....
So, looks like I'll be doing all that tomorrow morning, but I sure had a lot of fun catching up with everyone!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
We always do Black Friday, well, at least some of us (my MIL wussed out on us last year!).
It's always a fun time...
But this year my parents decided to make the trip out here! WHOOHOO!! It will literally be the first Thanksgiving that we will have spent with them married. That's saying something since we've almost been married 6 years!
So, right now, my parents are somewhere between Albuquerque and Amarillo, where they will spend the night, which means in less then 24 hours we will have a house full of love!
except that whole cooking thing I have to do the next day... is there anyone out there with some extra cooking elf's that can lend me a few!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I don't know if its because we had so much hope.
We saw a heartbeat even.
A flickering little spot of our Sea Monkey.
We call this our 'big' pregnancy.
Maybe because it lasted the longest.
But two years ago today, the doctor took our Sea Monkey from my body, and I was empty.
Empty in more ways then one.
The social worker is meeting with her on Wednesday, who knows how quick a decision will be made.
We have faith that she will be lead to to pick the family that will be best for her. Weather that is us or not, we know it's in God's hands now.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Our agency will contact adoptive parents if a unique situation arises, to see if we want our profile shown. Some of it could be drug history, birth father 'complications', additional expenses, or psychological issues.
This particular situation is psychological issues. Some of it will be overcome just because of the child leaving that situation (head trauma, ptsd, abuse), but some of it might not.
I'll be the first to admit, I've not always been 'stable'. I had a period in my life where I relied heavily on medication to get through some situations. So is it wrong for me to question something like this? When really, the same risk this birth mother passes genetically on to her child I could have easily passed on to my own?
A tough decision to pray over... and a decision that needs to be made soon.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Some people hate you. That's ok, because there is other people, like me who love you. Seriously, I *heart* you. I enjoyed the 3 hours we spent together tonight as I went through my recipe folders and pulled out all my Thanksgiving dishes. I typed all the ingredients for each one in your little cell blocks. I used a color coded key, I sorted you, and now, I have my shopping list.
I will love you forever and ever.
(the crazy person who
is having her whole family
(my parents, his parents, aunts, uncles....)
over for Thanksgiving)
Monday, November 15, 2010
I went with a good friend of mine, and we had a lot of fun. We fluffed, we put on lights, we hung ornaments.
I love Christmas, and consider myself a halfway decent decorator. Let me say, I-was-schooled! Our pastors wife is amazing, she showed me how to wrap the lights (Trav always puts them on our tree-that's his job). It takes a ton of light strings, but you don't see the wire, because you go up and down the limb, and then cross to the next one near the trunk (if that makes any sense at all.).
Last year we 'upgraded' to LCD lights... and we have the hinged tree (we got it 2 years ago at a Black Friday sale! I love it!!). I'm thinking that I might spend the extra few hours to really get them on well, and then keep them on FOREVER!
Now I just need to convince Travis to start pulling the Christmas stuff out of the attic.... I had it all up before Thanksgiving last year, I'm not sure why this year would be any different?!?
Sunday, November 14, 2010
It's good friends like this that make up for other 'friends'.
Friends that flake out. Friends that don't return phone calls. Friends that only call when they need help. Friends that say they need to pull back, because you are starting the adoption process. And then the same friends that call you first when they find out that they are pregnant. I hate those.
But then I'm reminded of friends that are willing to go to the uncomfortable doctor appointment so that you don't have to, friends that make you smile, friends that encourage you. And those friends are best. Those friends win out in the emotions of the day.
And a best friend, a husband who covered me when my friend came over, and he knew that I was going to be trying to be a good friend, but that I was dyeing inside. Because my best friend protects me, and he loves me, the way a true friend should
Saturday, November 13, 2010
I googled, I searched, I pondered, and combined several ideas to make them into what they are now. I love them, and wish I had bought several more when I had the chance. Somehow the three that I had have already been spoken for, as Christmas Presents.
Their Mom's pretty amazing too, but not so crafty... so her best friend from high school and I are re-doing their rooms (is it re-doing if they were never 'done'?).
One girl is always in pink, and one in purple, so it just seemed likely that those are the colors we are going to use.
A crafting problem.
A starting-but-never-finishing crafting problem.
It's just that I see something new (crafting blogs are part of this addiction). And then I want to do that... so I do, but then, I see something else...
Do you see how this becomes a problem!
I'm finishing several projects (by the kind request of my husband...) so I'll be posting them up here, to share with you my accomplishments... because all that my husband really sees is a cleaned off coffee table, and a empty garage!
Friday, November 12, 2010
We would hang out with his friends, or my friends, or our friends, but we were with other people... and we would go to bed between three and four...
Holy cow, it's 9:36, and I was falling asleep on the couch... I figured I'd better write my post now, or I was afraid it wouldn't get done today.
Oh, and I jinxed it when I celebrated that we accomplished (without much drama overall) giving Autumn (the new kitty) her pain pill and antibiotics.... tonight was horrible! But the dogs are getting more used to her, and aren't all up in her grill... they were never mean to each other, they were just VERY curious, and it overwhelmed her (not to mention she probably didn't feel great). Since everyone had taken the anxiety down a step, we brought her out to the living room and she laid on my chest for about 2 hours tonight, just purring... I might be in love.
Ok, I'm going to bed... before 10... on a Friday night.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
I like my dogs... big dogs.
We have a cat we got (I even picked him out) when we first were married, he was a baby. I took care of him.
I haven't pet him in over 4 months, and then it was because Trav caught him to take him to the vet. He's seriously psycho. Feral even. But we've had him since he was about 4 weeks old... it's weird.
Literally, we pay for his vet bills, buy him good food, and all we get from him is poop in the litter box.
Seriously- I got depressed when I found out it's likely he'll live for another 8-10 years... dang.
He's a scaredy cat, but loves the dogs. He just exists in our home. Sometimes we don't see him for days...
So-that's our experience with cats- so far. Until about 3 months ago. There was a cat that was outside, living in the storm drain right in front of our house. She would come out, and we bought cheep food to feed her out on the curb. She would come out when we were working in the yard, and we would sit an play with her. She'd climb into our laps, and purr.
I fell in 'like'. I knew it was a slim chance of us bringing a cat home... but Trav mentioned that maybe if she was declawed (since we just got new furniture) maybe. And she had to be litter box trained. We had a friend that is a total animal lover, and said if we would take her in off the streets- she would pay to get her declawed. So we kept her in our garage, to keep her safe (the next door kids harassed her), and warm, and fed. We found a good (and cheep) vet, but she had a 3 week wait. So for three weeks, every time we left or came home, one of us would hold her, the other would back the car out and then closed the garage and go out the front door... it was a pain.
Tuesday, we took her in to get the 'overhaul'. Declawed, spayed (but she ended up already being spayed), dewormed, vaccinated, and antibiotics for a uti.
Do you know how hard it is to get a pain pill down a cats throat? Damn near impossible. And she SO does not love that coller (she chewed the glue off her paws twice while at the vet before we picked her up, once more she would have gotten stitches, so we keep it on all the time) She's happy when she's up on the bed with us, in our laps, or close to our bodies. Or she hides in the closet under our clothes.
Right now, my lap top is being balanced on the bottom part of my thigh, and shes between my legs, with her head up between my hands. She's purring. I'm in love. Maybe just because she likes me too (unlike the other psycho cat).
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I'm sure it wasn't a new episode, it was on at like 5:30 tonight, and I think the new ones are later... anyway, I digress.
Now, before anyone yells at me.... I am married to an AMAZING man... who was a really shitty teen Dad. His daughter was born his senior year, he left for basic training 3 months later, and after that saw her once a year when he came back for Chirstmas. He always paid child support, but he wasn't 'present' in her life. Even her Mom has said how much he stepped up once I came into his life (she was 5). She often tells their daughter that she needs to 'thank me forever, because without me, she wouldn't have her dad.'. I'm not saying people can't change, because I've seen it happen before my own eyes.
Your baby daddy is not even 16. He got kicked out of school at 13, so that means that he has what, an 8th grade education. He doesn't live with his parents, they kicked him out. But you think he'll be able to provide for you and your child, and you can buy a house in the next few years.
Ok- Rant over.
This is our life... seriously.... with our little boy Baxter
I almsot called my husband when I saw this commercal this morning, but realized his government computer won't let him watch youtube, so he'll have to wait until tonight..
(by the way- being albe to post a video to blogger through the youtube page is wicked easy!)
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
He is firmly set in the 'when we get matched, we'll start thinking about preparing'.
I however, would like to be a little bit prepared. I don't want to have to stop by a store on the way home from picking up our baby to grab diapers... Now don't get me wrong- I don't want to have the whole nursery done, but a car seat, a few bottles, pack of wipes and diapers, formula, a few onsies.... those things would be nice. Where we can survive the first 24 hours in our home...
Our friends are letting us borrow a car seat, I have a can of formula that was sent to me when I was pregnant in 2008 (and doesn't expire for another 1 1/2 years), and *shhh* I bought a package of wipes, but there are still a few more things.
He's starting to warm up to the idea (but still isn't close to wanting to register for anything...), because this weekend he actually walked up and down the isles in the baby section looking at things with me. I would tell him what I want (like brand of bottles), and he'd ask why, and sometimes my answer was "just because". He seemed mostly ok with that....
I guess I'm impressed that I can begin to walk into baby sections in places like Walmart and Target. I couldn't for a while, and would even avoid looking at them in the tornado of fertility treatments.
I'm still not sure I'm brave enough to go into an 'only baby' store like Babies R Us. I just feel like an impostor.... like I don't belong.
Another reason why I feel like we should be more prepared now is that in the twice in the last three months, our agency has had contact with the birthmom AFTER she gave birth... so the phone call wasn't "you've been matched, the baby is due in xx amount of weeks!" its more like "Umm... so you were matched with a birthmom, she had the baby yesterday, so can you come pick up your baby tomorrow?"
My girlfriend (who is in the foster to adopt process of three beautiful children with her husband), suggested that we go and register for both boy and girl things (stroller, bedding, etc), so when we get the baby, it's already ready- and the people that are going to come to the shower will know by then if they need to get the boy or girl things... (plus, a lot of registries allow you to edit online, which deleting one gender's selections is much easier to do at home with a newborn in your arms then going to the store to register for the first time with a newborn!)
Again, not sure if I'm ready to dive into a whole registry... maybe by Christmas I will be, and Travis and I can go with my parents when we are back home... that will be fun, I know my Mom would enjoy it. And maybe by then, Travis will be a bit closer to wanting to prepare!
Monday, November 8, 2010
I've done most of the research work, and it's a technology course, so I'll be developing a very fancy, interactive, teach the kids without you being involved really, powerpoint.
I fucking hate powerpoint at this point...
I've never googled "How to add a fill in the blank in 2007 powerpoint" so many damn times in my life...
Probably isn't great that this is my first 'real' project working in the upgraded 2007 Microsoft Office.
So that's my story, and my daily blog post.
Catch you on the flip side... but with my luck, I'll still be awake when the 'flip' happens.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Talk about a struggle to 'mesh' traditions once we got married! We started with just pictures of us, or the pets, but the last few years, we've done more 'family ones....
Saturday, November 6, 2010
I thought about it for a while, googled it, bounced some ideas off my designer friend (she's got the 'educated' eye that helps me polish a lot of my projects... she has a degree in design and construction!). I decided to make them into a sort of picture frame for my family and a friend.
I did my Mom's first, but went all out and bought some Mod Podge. I SO wish I had done it sooner, because oh-my-gosh. It is SO different then using just white glue. I might have a new love. (sorry Pave!)
I asked her where she might hang something 'crafty that contains pictures, that will be about 2' x 2.5'. She decided to put it in her scrapbooking room, so I was allowed to get a little more 'funky' with my paper choices then if were in my parents 'main' living areas.
So... This is what it looks like! But I feel like it's missing something. That maybe I need to hang something off that hook, with some cool ribbon or twine? Or maybe dangle something down the side... but then again I don't want to over-do it. So... what would you do?
Oh, and I have another one that I'm doing for my next door neighbor, so whatever great ideal you all come up with, I'm probably going to do it for her too!